Murky Waters
by YuYuFanatic14
Summary: The life of Kiyoshi Mitarai before, during, and after Sensui. Eventual MitaraixKuwabara. Warnings for child abuse. Undergoing revision, chapters 1-4 revised.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, or Mitarai.

* * *

Little Kiyoshi's first memories were of police in his house, talking to his mother. He never understood why they were there, but his mother had told him to hide whenever they came. He always made sure to listen. Mommy stayed nice when he listened. When he didn't she would yell, and that scared him. To make her happy he did his best at school and played quietly at home. Maybe if he was good and smart she'd be proud of him.

He didn't understand why they looked different. She had dark hair and eyes while his hair was blonde and his eyes were blue. He liked his eyes, but he wondered if his mother didn't. She acted strangely a lot; she would go out for hours without saying where she was going or leaving food. Then she would come back angry and with red eyes. Kiyoshi hid in his room when this happened, even if he was hungry. He didn't want to get into trouble.

He remembered the first time she hit him. One day after school (had he been four? Six?), he had sped through his homework so he could play. His teacher had let him borrow a toy car for doing well on a test. It was blue, and reminded him of rain. He loved it.

As he drove it along the hallway carpet he amused himself with soft "vroom" noises and thought. The other children in his class had seemed mad that he'd done well. Why? They each got to bring home toys when they did well. Besides, weren't they all friends? Friends were happy when good things happened to each other.

Lost in his thoughts, Kiyoshi forgot all about hiding from the police.

"Is he yours?" Kiyoshi, not recognizing the voice, looked up. His eyes widened.

"No, sir. I'm… taking care of him for a neighbor."

The officer glanced between them for a minute before relenting. "I don't recommend taking care of children in your condition, ma'am, but if your neighbor trusts you…" He stood and bowed. "I will check on you again in a few days."

Once the door had closed, his mother turned to face him with angry red eyes.

"I _told_ you to _stay hidden_," she growled. Kiyoshi shrank back. She looked like a demon. He began to stammer out an apology but a stab of pain in his cheek made him freeze. Tears welled up in his eyes as he raised his hand to his stinging face.

"You _listen_ from now on, understand?" his mother demanded. Kiyoshi nodded and scurried back to his room, the car forgotten.

When his teacher asked for the toy the next day he didn't say a word, eyes glued to the floor.

...

Kiyoshi Mitarai lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The window was open, and a cool breeze played with his bangs that refused to stay slicked back no matter how much gel he applied.

His English teacher had instructed them to pick three scenes from their childhoods and describe them. Mitarai wondered what his classmates would write about. The first thing they had done to earn a slap? To lose a meal? But he couldn't ask; you only discussed those kinds of things with your friends and he had none. He understood why now. It was because he was different, looking nothing like the other students. He was a mistake- he shouldn't have inherited his father's looks. That was why his father had left, because he was ashamed. Had this happened to any of the others?

Mitarai turned over onto his side. What kinds of memories were safe to share? Most of his earlier memories were of punishments for being disobedient. Maybe a memory of school? There had to be one that didn't include other children shunning him…

The door slammed. He bolted upright, heart pounding. His mother was home, and he'd forgotten to prepare dinner. How had he forgotten that Tuesdays were his responsibility?

_Please don't let her notice…_

A tense five minutes passed, then ten. Mitarai finally relaxed and sank back down into his deep blue sheets. She'd probably passed out.

He knew not all parents drank; he'd just drawn a different lot. Some smoked, others gambled… Idly he wondered what problems he and his classmates would have when they were older. He hoped he wouldn't turn to drinking. It didn't seem to agree with one's stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Mitarai watched as, one by one, the others were called up to hand in their assignments. He wondered if the teacher disapproved of how parents treated their children… or was he a parent as well? Maybe single adults didn't have problems…

"Mitarai, Kiyoshi."

Mitarai stood and calmly offered his paper. There was nothing to worry about. The memories were safe. He wouldn't get in trouble.

He failed. How did he fail the assignment? His translation couldn't be off, he'd studied for hours. Mitarai quietly placed his paper facedown on his desk and listened to the reactions of his classmates. Some were happy; one girl sounded extremely relieved as she made a remark of how she'd be allowed to buy something._ Reward system._ A boy exclaimed about how his dad was going to kill him. Mitarai felt a pang of sympathy, though not too much. This was one of his regular tormentors. He could deal with a taste of the punishment he constantly gave out.

"Mitarai-san, could I speak with after class?"

Mitarai sighed but nodded. "Hai, sensei." Another teacher giving him the "are you okay?" lecture. He didn't need it. He was just behind on some chores at home, and home took priority. He ignored the quiet laughter as he took out his supplies for class and bent determinedly over his work.

Mitarai internally sighed for at least the third time, keeping his face as attentive and his posture as straight as possible. Didn't teachers understand that these talks didn't do anything? Sometimes home life simply got in the way. Sometimes you were forced to stay up until all hours of the morning, waiting for your mother to come home so you'd know she was still alive…

After a few more minutes his teacher let him go. Mitarai slung his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the cafeteria. He was late for lunch, but he didn't care. His mother never gave him any money, so he never ate. He would just sit in an empty corner, do his homework, and hope the other boys wouldn't come over and bother him.

It happened all the time, the bullying, and Mitarai knew he couldn't change it. It happened because he was different. Did it make them feel powerful? Was it the only sense of control they could have outside their homes?

"Aw, little Kiyoshi sitting by himself again?"

Mitarai grit his teeth and said nothing, beginning another problem in his workbook. He wasn't in the mood for this. Normal routine or not, sometimes he wished the world would just give him a break.

Tsume, the boy who had made the remark, growled at the lack of reaction. "What's wrong with you? You're acting dead today."

Mitarai continued to ignore him. He'd entertained the notion of standing up for himself before, but that always ended with his bag being stolen, his schoolwork destroyed, and himself on the floor held down while they all laughed. Fighting back was futile… though being passive never did any good, either.

"_Say_ something, damn it! I asked you a question!"

Mitarai winced but continued to work quietly. He didn't remember what the question was, but he couldn't focus on that now. He had to plan what he would say to his mother when she saw his failing grade. Would she even have to know? Maybe he could hide-

A slap to his face brought his mind to a halt. Slowly he came back to the present, raised a hand to his cheek in disbelief. Silence fell over their half of the cafeteria as heads turned to look in their direction.

Mitarai swallowed hard, trying to contain his trembling. He kept his eyes lowered, his breath slow and controlled. They couldn't do anything with teachers around. They couldn't, they couldn't…

"Stupid sissy. You act like a girl. A stupid, foreign _girl._"

The insults were childish but they stung all the same, even more so when he realized that the entire cafeteria was listening in. His eyes were threatening to water, but he held the tears back. He lowered his hand, picked up his things and left, derisive laughter ringing in his ears. He entered the boys' room, locked himself in a stall, and began to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Mitarai slowly trudged home, Tsume's taunts still ringing in his ears. The sky overhead was overcast and dreary, threatening rain. He wished it would. He wanted the clouds to open up, drench the city with never-ending torrents, soak him to the bone. It felt as if he were being cleansed, forgiven of everything he had ever or never done. He'd reached his house.

Cautiously he unlocked the door and stepped inside, listening for any hint of his mother. He heard movement from the kitchen and sighed. He might as well get it over with now.

He poked his head through the door, the failed homework paper held tightly behind his back.

"Okaa-san?"

She glanced up at him briefly, then returned to what she was eating. "What is it?"

"I… my teacher needs you to look at something." Mitarai entered the kitchen fully, offering the paper. "I failed an assignment."

"Why?"

"The… the language was too vague, and sensei didn't-"

"Whatever. Do I need to sign it?"

"…No."

"Then rip it up for all I care." Her voice held a note of dismissal and Mitarai had just turned to leave when she spoke again. "He's dead, you know. Your father."

"He froze. "What?"

"It's his death day, today. You should honor him."

With that she stood and left the kitchen as Mitarai stared in stunned disbelief at the wall.

...

How had he died? Was it natural? An accident? Or something more shameful?

Mitarai lay on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Outside his window the birds twittered in agitation of the coming storm.

None of this made sense. Each year, his mother gave him a small present from his father for Christmas. He couldn't do that if he were dead. But… what if she had been lying? But she never acted like she cared about him any other time of the year.

"Not like it matters now," he murmured bitterly to himself. He sat up to gaze out the window. If it was true that his father was dead, why did they still celebrate Christmas? Granted, they never actually set up a tree, but the one battered sign they still used was more than enough reason for the boys at school to tease him.

For a moment he felt jealous of his older sister, Kanako. She'd moved out a few years ago; their mother wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore.

Well… she'd never been hurt, from what he could remember. She looked normal.

His brows furrowed in confusion. Did that mean that the other kids weren't hurt? They all looked normal. But… then that would mean she'd _lied _to him. Had she lied about his father, too?

...

Life continued. His mother finally took a relatively steady job, and although Mitarai was responsible for making dinner almost every night, he much preferred it to the alternative. Even when they were forced to move into a smaller apartment when his mother couldn't pay the bills. He just kept plodding along, one day after another.

He couldn't focus in class anymore. School was becoming more and more of a place to just let his brain unplug. He no longer showed his mother his grades, and signed his papers himself when he was instructed to take them home. His teachers noticed, of course. They'd be fools if they didn't. But they seemed hesitant to give him detention. Then, on the last day of school before winter break, his English teacher asked him to stay back when everyone else had gone.

"Mitarai," he began at last, after a few moments' pause, "is there… anything going on at home? Something you'd like to talk about?"

The blonde kept his features schooled. "No, sensei."

His teacher raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Your grades are slipping badly."

Mitarai shook his head, perhaps a little too emphatically. "I'm fine, sensei. I've just been… busy."

The man sighed. "Mitarai…" Before the teen had a chance to react he'd grabbed a thin wrist and pulled up the uniform sleeve, revealing dark bruises dotting otherwise pale skin. "What are these?"

He couldn't breathe. Why did his teacher even care? This was normal, right? Why was he getting so frightened, as if he'd done something wrong? This was _normal!_

"I- you know what it is, sensei. I'm sorry it's getting in the way of school, I'll try harder-"

His teacher frowned. "What are you talking about? This needs to stop."

"No, it doesn't!" Mitarai pulled his wrist back. "I'm the only one falling behind. It's my fault."

The man's gaze was almost pitying. "Mitarai, I think you've been lied to. This doesn't happen to the other students. None of this is your fault."

_Lied to._ He _had_ been lied to, then? About his father, yes. But about parents? They had to be like his mother, all of them. Otherwise, what was the excuse for the other students tormenting him? Because they simply felt like it? He felt sick. Before his teacher could say anything else he turned and ran from the room.

It couldn't be true. It couldn't be.


	4. Chapter 4

Warning: mentions of cutting in this chapter.

* * *

As he exited the school, he shivered and pulled his uniform jacket closer about himself. Tsume and his friends blocked the gate.

"Stay where you are."

He lowered his head, too afraid to do anything other than what he was told. He just wanted to go home.

_I just want to go home…_

Blue eyes shot open, accompanied by a sharp intake of breath. Mitarai shot upright in his bed, memories from the day before running rampant through his mind. Why did he have to remember everything so vividly? That day had been awful enough once without his subconscious reminding him in his sleep.

But he was awake now. Mitarai stood and stretched, trying to keep from provoking his injuries. They weren't much more than bruises and minor sprains; they'd heal, just in time for Tsume to make new ones when he went back to school.

The pain wasn't even what bothered him the most. He hated being held down while they hurt him, unable to fight back or run away. He was helpless, utterly helpless.

He ought to be stronger. One of Tsume's favorite insults was to call him a girl; he'd been using that once since elementary school. Mitarai glanced at his shirtless torso in the mirror. Thin, pale and lacking in muscle. Could he try to pick up a sport? He'd always enjoyed the tennis minigame in Goblin City…

Maybe he could give it a try.

* * *

On Christmas Day, Mitarai did not receive the usual gift "from his father." So his mother had been telling the truth, after all. He tried to console himself with the fact that since he couldn't remember his father, there was no real point in grieving for him. His chest ached at that decision, but he ignored it and turned his mind to other things.

He spent the majority of break in his room, safe from his mother's gaze. It was tedious to stay in one spot for hours on end; his teacher's words came back to him through the silence, taunting him.

What were his classmates doing during their break? Were they forced to hide from their parents as well, in order to escape their beatings? They never seemed to be anything but content and happy when they returned to school.

Maybe… maybe his teacher was right. He would look it up at the library. Just to get it out of his mind.

* * *

_Child abuse._

Mitarai sat back in shock. All those years, lied to. How his mother treated him _wasn't_ the norm. That didn't make sense; all humans ever did was hurt each other. He didn't understand.

What was he supposed to do? He had to go home; there was nowhere else for him to go. Maybe if he pretended that nothing was wrong- no, that was what had gotten him into this mess.

He ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. According to what he'd read, he was supposed to tell someone, a trusted adult, and then they would take him away from his mother.

But he couldn't just abandon her like that. Even though he hated the way she treated him, she was still his mother. Was there anything he could do to help her? Maybe he could get her away from alcohol. It was worth a try.

* * *

A year later, her reliance on alcohol had decreased dramatically. She'd also stopped hitting him as much. He hesitated to attribute that to his interference, however. He did see her less, since she had gotten a job.

He hadn't mentioned the abuse to anyone. He understood that it was "bad," but it still confused him. People hurt each other all the time; why should children be excluded?

Tsume still tormented him daily. His attempts to get stronger had failed miserably. He was horrible in gym class, always picked last for everything. The constant teasing from his peers filled him with anger every day, and he was almost constantly on the verge of tears.

Christmas came again, and Mitarai was almost ready to give up. There _was _a way that he could relax, but it worried him. What if he died?

He shook his head, and focused on the razor in his hand. He had to be careful. He lowered it carefully- not on his wrist, he wasn't ready for that yet- and twisted. A thin red line appeared on his ankle. It stung. It wasn't enough. He repeated the action until blood trickled steadily out of the wound.

There. That was enough for now. He washed the cut and bandaged it. Not too drastic, but it made him feel better.

* * *

This continued for the rest of the winter. Then, around the beginning of March, something unusual happened.

He had cut himself again- closer to the wrist this time, since he was getting used to it- and was washing it when the water suddenly jumped out of the sink. Mitarai backed away, eyes wide in confusion and fear, staring at a small, egg-shaped creature on the counter.

"What… are you?" he asked breathlessly. It didn't respond. Mitarai slowly sank to the floor, head in his hands as he tried to understand what was going on.

"I cut myself… and made a monster." He glanced back up at the creature, which seemed to be staring at him expectantly.

"What do you want from me? Go away!"

The creature exploded, splashing over Mitarai's face and dripping off the counter down to the floor where it pooled. Murky, red tinted water. Tainted. Just like him.


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, the story got popular fast. It makes me want to write more. :) I thank everybody who reviewed- it really means a lot when people write actual substance instead of just "I like it, update soon." You guys all have written really nice ones, and that makes me very happy. :) This story is getting really fun to write, so expect the next update wait to be shorter than lately.

I dont like how I did some parts of this chapter, but I hope you guys like it anyway. And, just letting you know- soon the timeline'll be getting into whats on the DVDs. I am -not- just going to transcribe everything. It's not fun, and nobody wants to read it, and some people might not have seen the episodes, so I don't want to give that much away. I'll still include the scenes Mitarai is in of course (and maybe other important ones, but since this -is- Mitarai based...), but I'll deal more with the thoughts, feelings, etc. Not just the dialogue. (Though I might use some, both transcribed and not. We'll see.)

Now that I'm done talking...

Disclaimer: Don't own YYH.

* * *

For the next week, Mitarai was very careful around water. Creating the creature was probably just in his imagination, but he didn't want to take any chances.

It was Thursday. A rainy Thursday. Mitarai loved the rain, and decided to walk home from school, as it wasn't very far. He made sure his cuts were covered by his hoodie, and set out.

Unfortunately, he forgot that Tsume regularly walked home with his friends.

"Hey, Kiyoshi-chan! Walking home by yourself?"

Mitarai cringed and kept walking.

_Ignore him, ignore him…_

The taunting continued, and Mitarai broke into a run, wanting to just get home. He heard the footsteps behind him quicken as well, and his heart started to pound in fear.

They quickly caught up with him. Tsume shoved him roughly, making him fall and slide on the wet pavement.

Mitarai winced, feeling one of his cuts open. Just his luck…

He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the boys.

_I just want it to stop…_

He felt a tingling in his wrist, and suddenly something occurred to him: could he use the monsters to defend himself? It seemed worth a try.

He dragged his wrist into a puddle and focused. The attacks on his body ceased, and he heard noises of fear.

_Hurt them._

Screams were hastily silenced as the creature grabbed each boy and sucked them into its body. Mitarai got up to his knees and watched the scene apathetically, just trying to stay awake.

Gurgling sounds came from the drowning boys. Mitarai knew it should be scaring him, but he felt nothing.

…Well, that wasn't completely true. He was starting to feel almost… pleased about finally getting revenge on the boys that had tortured him for most of his life.

"Are you going to kill them?"

Mitarai jumped, startled, and turned around. A young man wearing dark clothes stood behind him, watching the scene dispassionately.

"I don't know…" Mitarai looked back at the monster, then finally ran out of energy and fainted. The monster dispersed, the boys falling to the ground.

---

Mitarai woke in an unfamiliar place. Even before he opened his eyes, he could tell it wasn't home, school, or the street. It smelled different, and there were cushions under him.

_Who would have… oh!_

He shot up, looking around. The man from before was sitting next to him, and another man with aqua colored hair was in the corner.

"Who are you? Where am I?"

"Relax," the man next to him said. "My name is Sensui, and you are in my apartment. You fainted out in the rain, and I brought you here."

Mitarai nodded slowly. "What happened to the others?"

"Don't worry about them. Weren't they hurting you?"

"Yes, but…" Mitarai was confused. "Why did you help me? I don't know you…"

"I helped you because I need your help. You have been given special powers, which I hope you will use to help my cause."

Mitarai felt uneasy, but also curious. "What could I do?"

"I'll explain it to you in time. But not now. You should be getting home so your mother doesn't worry."

Mitarai bit his lip. "She probably wouldn't care, Mr. Sensui. She doesn't care where I am much."

Sensui's eyes darkened slightly. "I see. Come back here tomorrow, and I will explain more."

Mitarai nodded, and carefully stood. Sensui showed him to the door, and they said goodbye. Mitarai made sure to memorize the address, then turned and headed back towards his house.

Why was he trusting this man who he had barely met? He had promised to come back… what did Sensui want his help for? What could his ability of making monsters help him with?

---

The rest of the afternoon into the next day, these questions would not leave him. He was so preoccupied, he didn't notice that Tsume and the others weren't at school.

After school, he walked back to Sensui's apartment and knocked lightly on the door. His heart was pounding.

The door opened, revealing the aqua-haired man from the day before.

"Come in," he said softly. "Shinobu's been expecting you."

Mitarai removed his shoes and entered, feeling more self-conscious than usual, what with the man watching him. He followed the man into the room he had seen the day before, where Sensui was waiting. There was a smile on his face, and it put Mitarai at ease more than it should have.

"How are you today?" he asked. "Did those boys bother you again?"

Mitarai blinked in confusion, not expecting Sensui to have cared.

"No… they weren't at school today, I think…"

"Ah." Sensui stayed silent for a moment. "It is my belief that humans are evil, Mitarai. Do you agree?"

_What?_ That was unexpected. But… he couldn't say he didn't agree… He nodded.

"Good. That is what I was talking about yesterday. After seeing the powers you were given, I had to believe that it was destined for you to help me."

Mitarai looked away, mind racing. Killing humans? Was that justified? He looked back at Sensui, suddenly feeling very nervous.

"It's alright," the older man said. "I have a videotape in my possession that will… explain things better than I can. I have told this same thing to a handful of other people with powers like yours… since tomorrow is the weekend, I had asked them to come here and watch the tape with me. Would you come?"

Mitarai hesitated, then nodded. Even if this man was crazy, he was still curious. And that smile… why shouldn't he trust him?

He stood to go, when something occurred to him. What had happened to the other man? He was gone.

When he looked at Sensui questioningly, the man laughed. "Don't worry. Itsuki comes and goes frequently. He's… working on something at the moment that needs much of his attention."

Mitarai nodded again, and left. He didn't realize, as he was walking home, what events would soon occur that would change his life drastically.

---

The next day, as promised, he returned to Sensui's apartment. Once he entered, he was surprised. Besides Sensui, there were four other people there.

_All of them have special powers?_ He wondered. One of them was a kid, one was a doctor, one was an odd looking human, and another teen boy with piercing eyes.

"I'm sorry that Itsuki couldn't make it," Sensui was saying. "He has business to attend to today, but we can still watch the tape together. Everyone, say hello to Mitarai- the newest addition to our group."

Mitarai felt himself blushing slightly when everyone looked at him. He didn't look normal… he didn't want them looking at him… what if they were like the others?

When he quickly glanced up at their eyes, however, they weren't looking at him like Tsume did- with hate. With the exception of the child, they didn't seem to care what he looked like. Mitarai would avoid the kid if he could.

Sensui led them all into another room with a television, and asked them to get comfortable.

"The movie is long, but we will only watch two hours today," he said, turning out the lights and pressing a button on the remote. Mitarai felt his stomach twist in apprehension… he was starting to wonder if this was a good idea.

-

Mitarai didn't know what he had been expecting, but this certainly wasn't it. Various crimes of humanity, at first almost innocent in nature, but quickly progressing to more and more horrifying acts that made him feel sick.

People killed and tortured each other for the most pointless reasons- and did it with sadistic grins on their faces.

The tape paused in the middle of a scene- the victim's face twisted in terror. Mitarai felt himself shaking, and looked away.

"We'll stop here." Sensui's calm voice brought him back to the present, and he shook his head to clear it.

When he looked at the others, most looked shook up- the kid was crying.

As they left the room, Sensui touched Mitarai's arm gently.

"Do you understand what I mean?" he asked softly. "Humanity must be destroyed. Will you help me?"

After a few moments of consideration, Mitarai nodded.

"I will."


	6. Chapter 6

Wow, I'm really glad that everybody who read this is liking it. Note on this chapter- there are two scenes in here, which are a bit... not -graphic-, but a little bit odd. You guys know whta I write by now. :P Just letting you know that there's some questionable stuff.

I dont know how long it'll take for the next chapter. I'm pretty sure it'll be up sometime next week, but we'll see.

I dont own YYH.

* * *

Before the group left, Sensui told them all that they would continue to meet to watch more of the movie. Mitarai's stomach clenched at the thought of watching more, but he agreed on the time and then left.

-

For the next week, every day after school, he would go to Sensui's for an hour or so and watch more of the tape with the others. Each day, the scenes were more horrifying, and by the time the hour was up, he could feel himself shaking and almost in tears. Every time as he was leaving, Sensui would touch him gently, usually on his arm, in reassurance.

By the time Saturday came again, Mitarai was feeling a little awkward about the touches; why did Sensui never do the same to the others? Amanuma would always get more upset than him, and Sensui wouldn't touch him the same gentle way.

-

He was alone with Sensui in the apartment. The other Seven had gone home after watching the tape. Mitarai liked spending "alone time" with Sensui, or "Black Angel," as he called himself. (The group had chosen nicknames about two days before. Mitarai had chosen "Seaman," and was proud of it.)

Sensui spent time with each of the Seven, including Itsuki, and would talk with them, whether it be about casual topics like with Gamemaster, or deep discussions with Itsuki or the Doctor. With Mitarai, the conversation would inevitably end up with them talking about the past events of his life, and Sensui would start talking about how the humans deserved to die.

However, he was being rather quiet, and Mitarai was unsure of what it meant. His sentence trailed off, a look of puzzlement on his face.

"Are you alright, Mr. Sensui?"

"Mitarai, do you love someone?"

Mitarai's cheeks turned pink. "What? …No, I guess not…" What was _that_ about?

"Why?"

"You're beautiful, Mitarai."

Mitarai's eyes widened. "E-excuse me?"

Sensui looked different… and his voice sounded more… growling when he spoke again.

"I said you're beautiful. Isn't it polite to say thanks when someone gives you a compliment?"

Dangerous waters, dangerous waters…

"Thank… you…?"

Sensui smirked, then quickly leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

Mitarai jerked, startled, and tried to pull away, but the older male put a hand on the back of his head, trapping him.

He was pushed onto his back, Sensui's weight crushing him, a tongue besides his in his mouth, unable to move… He whimpered, struggling to get away, but to no avail.

_Get away, get away, get away, GET AWAY!_

Why was Sensui hurting him like this? Didn't they work together? Mitarai respected him, and now he was being betrayed!

He pulled back as much as he could and turned his head to the side.

"Mr. Sensui, please… stop…"

The older male's movements stopped, and the weight was slowly lifted. Mitarai allowed himself to start breathing again, and he looked up at Sensui carefully. He would not cry, he would not cry…

"Mitarai? Are you alright?"

"I think so… why did you do that?"

Sensui stayed quiet for a moment, then exhaled sharply. "I apologize, Mitarai," he said quietly. "I should not have done that to you."

He sighed again. "Maybe you should go home."

Mitarai nodded and hastily stood.

"It's… it's alright, Mr. Sensui," he said. "You didn't mean it, right?"

The smirk came back. "Of course not."

Before anything else could happen, Mitarai quickly left.

-(Okay, I know this doesnt have Mitarai in it here, but I had to put it. Too tempting.)

The inside of Sensui's head was a madhouse. After the incident with Mitarai, a heated discussion had begun.

"How could you have done that to him?" Naru demanded, tearful. "How young is he?"

"Who cares?" Kazuya replied angrily. "Itsuki's not open right now, if you haven't noticed!"

"That doesn't mean you have to take it out on a boy!" Naru countered. "He's already been scarred!"

"She does have a point," Minoru said. "If we wish for him to continue to be our ally, we cannot be treating him that way."

"He's good at denial," Kazuya retorted, crossing his arms. "He'll deal. After all, he's just one step from splitting like us. All the crap that's happened."

"Exactly why we shouldn't continue to hurt him. He could start to think it'll just be the same, and he'll leave. What if he finds the Spirit Detective?"

Kazuya growled. "Who cares?" He turned around. "Shinobu, what d'you think?"

The original personality stayed quiet, watching the "ceiling." After a few moments, he sighed.

"I don't believe it's a good idea… but if we cannot get to Itsuki, and the one who's out needs to… Be gentle with him."

Kazuya smirked. "Wonderful. This'll be fun."

-

Sensui had gotten a new apartment. It overlooked Mushiyori City, and was larger than his old one.

Even after what had happened with Sensui, Mitarai still went to the meetings to watch the Chapter Black tape, and discuss the tunnel.

According to Sensui, progress on the tunnel was going nicely, and they would start looking for the Spirit Detective soon.

Mitarai was excited. Everything they had been working for was finally coming to fruition. He was just feeling a little nervous around Sensui. While they were watching the Chapter Black movie, the older male would touch him in more and more awkward places. He thought they were over that. Sensui had said he hadn't meant it.

A touch on his lap made him jerk and quickly stifle a yelp. Nobody noticed, what with the movie playing.

He looked over at Sensui. The man smirked at him, not moving his hand.

"Mr. Sensui…?"

"Shh." Sensui put a finger to his lips. "You'll stay here when we finish."

Mitarai's stomach twisted, but he nodded. He was too scared not to listen.

For the rest of the hour, he tried to ignore it as Sensui's hands remained on his body.

-(warning. the "special" scene starts here.)

As they filed out of the room, Mitarai hung back. Once everyone else was gone, Sensui walked over to him, a smirk on his face.

"Beautiful," he said quietly, putting his hand on Mitarai's cheek. "Just like Itsuki."

He leaned in and kissed Mitarai gently before pulling back a few inches.

"You'll do."

The next thing Mitarai knew, he had been pushed onto the ground. Sensui's weight on top of him was making it hard for him to breathe, and Sensui's hands were touching him in places that shouldn't ever be touched on a boy.

He knew in the back of his mind that he should be trying to get away, but he felt frozen.

Suddenly, the sound of a zipper coming undone made everything seem to stop. He felt his jeans being pulled off his hips, warm flesh against his own, then… pain.

He cried out, back arching, tears instantly springing to his eyes.

Sensui was holding him down- he couldn't move. Pain, so much pain- he shook his head, trying to block it out.

_No, no, no, no, NO! I don't want this! Let me go!_

Why couldn't he say it out loud? It had worked last time!

Deep, painful thrusts. Low, growling moans coming from the man above him. He could feel the blood beneath him- knew it was his.

_It hurts… it hurts! Get away from me!_

It was finally over. Kazuya switched with Minoru, who knelt by the crying boy and gently stroked his forehead.

"I am so sorry, Mitarai," he murmured. "I didn't want to hurt you."

When the boy didn't respond, Sensui picked him up carefully, and took him to the bathroom to clean up.

-

He had to quit school. He had to. He couldn't be able to go back after what had happened.

When he had woken up in a bed not own, with Sensui watching him, he had panicked, and almost gotten sick. Outwardly, he had smiled and thanked Sensui for letting him stay (apparently they night), and left quickly.

He was already shoving the memory into the back of his mind, ignoring it. That didn't happen to boys. It just didn't.


	7. Chapter 7

Okay- long chapter. Reason for this is that much of it is material taken in part from the show. Some parts are heavier in show-made dialogue and actions than others... I tried to cut down on it where I could. For those who found this from LJ and know what it is- this is not accurate- the show is, but since I can't copy it word-for-word... yeah. I tried to get most of the show stuff done in one fel-swoop. Later chapters will have less show stuff than this, but still some until the end of the Sensui arc. :P

SUPER SPECIAL DISCLAIMER: Much content dialogue and action-wise is not mine- I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. And readers- do not feel you have to review this chapter, with the content it holds. This is more like putting it here because of necessary chronological...ness. :P Onto the story.

* * *

Mitarai soon gave up on going back to his apartment. His mother had lost what small progress she had made, and he refused to be a part of it anymore. Sensui would take care of him.

-

For the rest of March and into the first week of April, he would either stay in the cave and practice his powers, or go to the meetings at Sensui's apartment and stay there.

Finally, Sensui told him it was time. He had made first contact with the Spirit Detective. Now it was the Doctor's turn. He was powerful- Mitarai had seen what he could do.

They watched from the top of a nearby building as Kurama jumped onto the roof of the hospital.

_The Doctor's outnumbered…_

Even when he voiced this fear, Sensui seemed confident. But… when he said that the Doctor could die and it wouldn't matter… that made him feel nervous.

As the battle continued, Mitarai sensed the energies of the two fighters. Yusuke's suddenly flared, and a window smashed. After a moment of silence, Sensui closed his eyes.

"They defeated the Doctor," he said. "Onto the next step. Seaman- the forecast calls for rain tomorrow, so it will be your turn to fight the Spirit Detective's group."

Mitarai nodded and the group dispersed, heading towards their homes. Mitarai went home with Sensui- better than going to the cave in the rain.

-

The next day, dark clouds covered the sky. Mitarai felt anticipation grow in his stomach whenever he thought of what would happen that night. Sensui had been watching the Spirit Detective at school, and saw that his friend had plans to go out.

They were waiting in the cave until the rain started. As Mitarai listened to Sensui and Itsuki's conversation, he was surprised. The person they needed was in Yusuke's group?

-

It was late before it started to rain, but he didn't mind. He headed to the concert venue where Kuwabara was. Sensui had given him all the information he needed. His heart was pounding, but he was ready.

He pulled his knife out of his pocket and flipped it open. He looked at it for a moment before making a small cut in his index finger. The rain over him stopped, and he felt Sensui's presence behind him.

"Is this a good time for you?"

Mitarai mumbled an affirmation and Sensui started to walk away, leaving him with the umbrella.

"Mr. Sensui!" He threw it back at the older male, who quickly turned and caught it.

"I won't be needing that. I like the rain."

Sensui smirked, then turned and left.

"I look forward to great results, Seaman."

-

Mitarai watched the boys as they left the venue. He focused his energy in the blood and water around him, forming the monster.

One boy lagged behind, and noticed something off. The watery hand raised out of the ground and grabbed him- he let out a shout, stopping the other boys. Mitarai waited a few seconds, then let the monster rise again. It shot out a hand at one of the boys, but Kuwabara blocked it, startling the other boys.

Mitarai called back the monster, and Kuwabara fell to his knees, holding his bleeding hand.

"That's enough! Show yourself, freak!"

_Freak? That's right. Call me names like everyone else. It just gives me more reason to kill you._ It was time to make his appearance.

"I'm so glad the weatherman was right today. My powers work best in the rain."

The group of boys stared at the monster, realizing it had their friend. Mitarai smiled.

"Honestly, you should be worrying about your own lives, rather than his. Let me introduce myself. Everyone should know the name of the person who kills him, right?"

"That's a joke."

_Don't underestimate me._ "Why the bluffs, Kuwabara? I know about your lost powers."

As the older boy growled, he smirked. "Kiyoshi Mitarai. Nickname, Seaman."

As Mitarai continued to speak calmly, he was amused to notice that the other teens were growing angry. Okubo made a comment about the monster not being real…

"Let me show you how the monster's made." He removed the band-aid and let a drop of blood fall to the ground, creating a small egg shaped monster. The image of the first time he created it played in his head, but he shook it away and quickly explained his power.

_Wait… why am I doing this? They don't need to know… They'll die soon. It doesn't matter._

Okubo protested, mentioning his siblings. Mitarai quickly dismissed them, saying they'd be dead by the end of the week.

He then asked Kuwabara which monster he liked best, as that would be the one he died by. Kuwabara grew angry and compared him to the Doctor.

Mitarai's stomach clenched. "Don't you ever lump me in with that freak! I have reasons…"

He remembered- Sensui talking to him about his classmates, how they excluded him, how they had tortured him… man's darkest indulgence. Torture.

_I just want it all to stop…_

"I want it to stop… But it never will! That's what he showed me! It's human nature to hurt people! You're protecting a fallen race; that's why you must die."

Kuwabara didn't get it. He stood and called it a challenge. Mitarai smirked and said he didn't want to compete, all he wanted was to wipe out every human being.

Kuwabara's friend charged.

_Defend._

The small monster punched the boy, sending him to the ground. Kuwabara grew angry and kicked the monster. It flew to pieces, but quickly reformed, startling the older boy. Mitarai laughed.

"Hit it all you like, it always comes back!"

The other teen didn't have time to process this before the creature started attacking him again. Okubo made a pathetic attempt to attack the creature- he was quickly taken out.

The large monster picked up the two pathetic boys, leaving Kuwabara. Said boy sat up, glaring.

"You're just like those guys that bullied you around, now."

_No… I'm not… he's lying. No!_

Mitarai pulled out his knife and stabbed it into the boy next to him. He could feel his energy swirling around inside of him. Kuwabara didn't know what had happened to him- who was he to pass judgment?

"You haven't lived through my life, made into an outcast at every turn! I'm on the good guy's team!"

"Picking on the weak is never good!"

"Then I'd say we have a war of convictions- what you call injustice, I call getting even!"

Kuwabara was no match for the monster, no matter how hard he tried. Mitarai was excited. He was going to beat an ally of the Spirit Detective!

However, it seemed Kuwabara had other plans. He got back up, anger in his eyes.

"Why aren't you trying to run? If you try to save your friends, you'll die."

One of the other teens being held by the monster tried to reason with Kuwabara, but the older boy stayed adamant that he was not leaving. Mitarai was confused. Why was he risking his life? Humans didn't do that!

The small monster resumed attacking Kuwabara, and Mitarai laughed, trying to bring back his confidence. He was winning!

The older teen got right back up… but he was powerless! He'd risk his life for his friends? That's not how the world really was!

_Kill them. Without them, he's nothing._

The monster sucked the three boys into itself, and Kuwabara's eyes widened. He charged at the monster, which sucked him right up as well.

"How sad. You couldn't think of anything better than running into a deathtrap?"

This was perfect! They were going to drown, and Sensui would be proud of him for killing Kuwabara. Perfect.

The older boy continued to try and kill the creature with punches. That was pointless. It was another dimension.

"Look, your friends have already drowned!"

Mitarai was reveling in his victory already. The other boy couldn't do anything!

"Your lungs must be filling up with water now. Beg for me to save only your life and maybe I will. After all, you're human. It's how we are."

Suddenly, Mitarai felt his cheek sting. A cut. But how? Kuwabara was in another dimension! He couldn't do anything!

Unless… he remembered- Sensui was looking for a person who could cut through dimensions. He had said that the person they were looking for was in Yusuke's group… Kuwabara was the one Sensui was looking for!

_But I'm not ready for this!_

Tremendous energy shot out from within the creature, manifesting into a sword. Mitarai started trembling in fear. He was going to die… A gash was made through the monster… pain. The gash went through his chest as well, blood spilling from the wound.

_He broke my territory… he is the one, Sensui… Didn't know it until… too late…_

He fell and the monster dissolved, the boys falling to the ground.

Mitarai summoned all the energy he could to look up and saw Kuwabara standing in front of him.

_He's going to kill me…_

"Your life is in my hands now, and I'd like nothing more than to give what you deserve… to die!"

Mitarai clenched his eyes shut and looked away. _Please…_

No pain. Instead, a hand grabbed his wrist and he heard a soft "I can't."

He was picked up, and arm draped around Kuwabara's shoulders.

"You can't…?"

The older boy didn't answer, looking at his friends. He proceeded to pick up each one and dragged them away from the scene where the battle took place.

Why was Kuwabara helping him? Hadn't he almost died by Mitarai's own hands?

When he asked this, the older boy responded with "When men do what they're supposed to do, it's not always about what they want."

_He's just like the rest, he doesn't care… or… does he?_

Mitarai let the blackness take over and quickly fell into unconsciousness.

- (This scene contains MUCH show-based dialogue. Letting you know. -sigh-)

The blackness was slowly fading. Mitarai sensed for the energies around him- there were many. He opened his eyes- unfamiliar. Of course.

He sat up, sending pain shooting through his chest. He glanced down- the wound had been bandaged…

_Who would have…?_

"Welcome back."

Mitarai looked at where the voice came from.

"You're Yusuke."

As the other boy spoke, only a few words made it into his head. He was so confused. Why had they helped him? Weren't they on opposite sides? Then he saw Yusuke point.

Kuwabara was sprawled out on his back in the corner, snoring. It was a bit odd seeing him like this after the night before. Asleep… but still dangerous. The older teen mumbled something, muscles flexing. Mitarai looked away, shivering. They wouldn't hurt him, would they?

Kurama started talking about Kuwabara's friends. Mitarai didn't care about them. Stupid humans with no powers.

"-another human fighting for the wrong side." Didn't he get it? _He_ was the one on the wrong side.

"Kuwabara saved your life after you tried to kill him. You owe him big, so start talking."

Mitarai hesitated. Should he…?

"Start the hell talking!"

Mitarai gasped, eyes widening. Kuwabara…

_Don't hurt me…_

He turned- the older boy was still asleep. Sleep… talking? He looked away and sighed. In relief? "You don't understand- you haven't seen what I have. We should all die."

"Your fellow psychics?"

"No. Humans." He paused. "You'd think so too if you saw the videotape."

"What video?"

"The video they labeled Chapter Black."

Kurama's eyes widened in surprise, then explained what it was to Yusuke, who seemed confused.

"So many horrifying things on that screen… if you saw it, you'd think differently, too. You'd know we're doomed… and we have to-"

He flinched as Yusuke stood abruptly, knocking over his chair.

"Have to get eaten the hell up by some bloodthirsty monster?"

"That's right. You only think humanity is good because you were born in a peaceful time, but war's our nature, and it'll always come back."

Scenes from Chapter Black flooded his mind, and he became angry.

"Have you ever seen hundreds of people waiting in line to be killed in a camp? Have you seen horsemen raid and destroy a village, dance on the bodies of their victims, crushing them as they celebrate, singing happy songs? Have you ever seen a bomb wipe away millions who had never even picked up a weapon? And the soldier- breaking up a family who loves each other, leading them into a fire, his eyes enjoying the torture…"

One of the girls became upset and was quickly escorted out. Yusuke growled.

"And you think you're better than those people on the tape?"

"I know I'm not, neither are you! No human can be!"

"What about Kuwabara? He saved you. Last night, I asked him 'stupid, why the hell did you save that jerk?' and he said 'because, Urameshi, in his eyes- he was crying for help.'"

Yusuke put his hands behind his head and laughed. "I thought it was a stupid thing to say at the time, but now I see how scared you are, and I kinda follow. A big oaf like Kuwabara- he's got that bully look you must hate. But he cared about you… bet you weren't expecting that."

Mitarai tried to blink away tears. No… no, this was all wrong! This wasn't the way Sensui had said!

The tears would not be held back, and so he let them fall, shoulders shaking.

"Every night I see them- the victims on that tape. I've always seen myself like them, but in my nightmares, it's my fault for their pain… it feels like all along it's been me doing those terrible things, and I keep feeling that I need to make up for something, but I don't know what. Like I'm the bully!"

He couldn't take it. He succumbed completely to the tears. "I'm sorry!"

He didn't pay attention to anything after that.

-

Okay, I dont think the next chapter will have this heavy show-based content. Ugh. I'm sorry about this, but it was necessary. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, I think this chapter is the last with show-based content. (Finally. :P) You dont have to review this chapter either if you dont want to. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be, but hopefully it'll be up either next Saturday or before. People to who know what this really is- I skipped a few scenes in here, so that part's not accurate, the show is, but the rest pretty much is.

Disclaimer: Dont own YYH.

* * *

After a minute, he became aware of someone sitting next to him, and a hand on his shoulder. He looked up- the blue haired girl smiled slightly at him. 

"Are you going to be okay?"

Mitarai looked away. "I think so…"

"Oh. You're up."

The blonde teen blinked, eyes wide. "Mr. Kuwabara?"

The older boy sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah. You alright?"

There was a pause, then Kuwabara looked at him more closely. "You were crying. What happened?"

"…Nothing…"

The girl sighed and quickly explained what Mitarai had told them. When she was done, he looked sympathetic.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that."

Mitarai was about to respond when the door opened, Yusuke entering.

"Hey, Kuwa. Good to see you're up. C'mon- Koenma's here, and we need you for an important talk."

Kuwabara stood up and nodded. "Just let me get dressed first."

"Sure." Yusuke left, and the redhead looked back at Mitarai.

"I'm sorry about last night."

The words tumbled out of Mitarai's mouth without his consent. It took a moment to register that the other boy had said the same thing.

"_You're_ sorry? I almost killed you!"

"Yeah, but I hurt you really bad. I'm sorry 'bout that."

Mitarai blinked. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now I've gotta get dressed- you're bleeding again."

Mitarai looked down- blood was now noticeable through the bandages.

"Don't worry about it. I'll get my sister to change 'em. She's good at that." He laughed, hand behind his head. "She had to, what with me and Urameshi fighting all the time."

Mitarai was a little confused. "You fight, and you're still friends?"

"Yeah," Kuwabara replied after putting on a t-shirt. "It doesn't mean we hate each other- it's kinda like a challenge, to see who's stronger." He chuckled. "Urameshi always wins."

Once he got pants on, Kuwabara entered the other room to get the girls. While they changed his bandages, what he had said played through Mitarai's mind.

_They fight, and they're still good friends… So they're not that bad, right?_

_---_

Mitarai felt awkward sitting there with the girls. It was quiet- since Keiko left, Botan had started reading, and the older girl… Shizuru?- was listening to music. That left him alone with his thoughts.

First- he briefly wondered what the group was talking about in the other room. About Sensui, most likely. Now that he was thinking more clearly, he worried about what would happen to him. Would they let him go? Unlikely… but they couldn't just keep him with them… If he got away, what would Sensui say to him? Would he be angry? Punish him? He shivered. Sensui could really hurt him…

He was broken from his thoughts as Kuwabara burst into the room. He looked at Mitarai, who stared back with a puzzled face.

Suddenly, Kuwabara lunged at him, knocking him off the bed. His chest burned, but he was more worried when he noticed the dice embedded in the wall. Kuwabara started shouting at the girls- so Sensui was here? His chest burned again, and the redheaded teen quickly got off of him with a mumbled sorry.

Mitarai heard a soft crack as he sat up, and frowned, reaching into his pocket. "What is this?" A small radio was in his palm.

"I can't believe it!" Botan exclaimed. "They bugged you!" She turned to face out the window. "How could you do that to your team-" another die through the window cut her off, making them all duck.

A few moments of calm passed, then Kuwabara mumbled something angrily and left the room.  
"Hey! Stay put!" Shizuru yelled, holding Mitarai back.

"That's what they want you to do!" Mitarai shouted after Kuwabara. He tried to say more, but the wound on his chest stung again, making him curl up.  
"Don't get closer…" Kuwabara would get killed!

Shizuru asked him what he was talking about. Mitarai shivered. Memories were flooding back to him. Sensui, the night before, Kuwabara…  
"_No one ever helped you…" But I'm not ready for this!_

"Why would they fight on the street? There could be innocents out there."  
_He doesn't care…  
_"It's begun." 

"Safety! Bring him to safety!" He could feel the energies flaring from the street below. They had to protect Kuwabara.  
"Do you mean Yusuke?"

"No! Kuwabara! He's in danger!"

"He's safe with the others. Relax."

"No- Mr. Sensui wants desperately to recruit him to his side."

Shizuru seemed confused. "No one wants Kazuma on their side- they get stuck with him."  
"I'm sure. Mr. Sensui needs his power to cut down the barrier."

That shocked the girls. Botan looked out the window- the group had moved on. She was getting ready to yell for them when Shizuru told her to get down. Sniper was back. Mitarai tensed as marbles shot through the practically demolished window. Shizuru ran out of the room yelling something, but he wasn't paying attention.

Suddenly, a blast of energy flew at the apartment- things were a bit hazy. Mitarai's back hit the wall, and he fell to the ground. He sat up slowly, then heard a cry of "look out!" A pair of hands hit him in the back, throwing him forward- he heard the crash of the bookcase falling and looked- Botan was crushed. He sat there in shock until Koenma and Genkai entered the room.

They quickly removed the blue-haired girl from under the bookcase, and Genkai looked over at him.  
"All right, wallflower- you just sat there on your sorry ass, watching this poor girl suffer? What's wrong with you?"

"I- I don't know- I thought I was your enemy."

Genkai rolled her eyes and proceeded to heal Botan.  
"I'm sorry, I'm confused- I work for Sensui." Koenma looked at him.

"It seems like he's trying to terminate more than your employment."  
Mitarai blinked. Nothing made sense anymore.

Just as Genkai finished healing Botan, Keiko ran into the room, Kurama following, holding an injured Shizuru. Genkai started to heal her too, and Botan woke up. Koenma smiled.

"Glad you're okay." Mitarai watched them as they talked about her being under the bookshelf- she didn't remember.  
"I know- she got trapped while she was trying to save me." Attention turned to him.

"When the bookshelf started to topple, she shoved me out of the way and got crushed instead of me." He closed his eyes. "It's not how he said! First Kuwabara, now you- why do you keep saving my life?"

Botan blinked. "That's just what people do." Then she seemed to remember what happened, and described it to the others. Mitarai just stared.  
"That wasn't the case in my experience growing up, and not on that videotape."  
Koenma mentioned how the tape was part of a set and not meant to be seen alone.

Mitarai shook his head. "No, that's a lie!"  
Kurama tried to comfort him- it didn't work. He was still confused. There was mostly silence until Shizuru woke up and asked about Kuwabara. Kurama answered, and Koenma asked why Kuwabara was suddenly so popular. Mitarai sighed.

"Because of what he can do. He's a lot more powerful then you give him credit for." He explained about what the power Kuwabara had could do, and that seemed to strike a blow to the group.

Genkai started delegating tasks to everyone-  
"What about me? Is there anything I can help you do?"

"You must search your soul for the answer to that," Kurama replied. "You are free to come with us, or to be our foe- but if you choose the latter, the next time we meet I will show you no mercy." And with that, they left. Mitarai felt helpless.  
"What am I supposed to do with this?"

Shizuru rolled her eyes. "Hurry up. Are we that bad?"  
Mitarai looked down. No, they weren't. Maybe… he should go with them? He stood and carefully put his sweatshirt on, then followed the others as best he could. "Wait up!" They stopped and looked back. Mitarai leaned heavily on the banister, but fell to his knees.

"Please wait for me… or is it too late now for me to go with you guys?"  
He was met with silence, and tears started to well up in his eyes. He didn't want to die…  
"It is never too late to change one's ways. Trust me."

He looked up and saw Kurama standing in front of him, holding out a hand.  
"Welcome to our team."  
Mitarai smiled in relief and took the hand. "Thank you."

-

The group waited for Kurama as he entered a phone booth to call Kaito and Yana. Mitarai still felt odd, betraying Sensui… he didn't know what to believe anymore. But he was on their side now. Not Sensui's.

Kurama came back to them, saying the other teens would meet them at the station. Botan mentioned that they still didn't know where to go from there. He could be helpful!

"Demon's Door Cave. That's where they're taking Mr. Kuwabara. Mr. Itsuki is waiting there."

"See? You're already more useful than road kill," Genkai said, and started walk away. The group followed.

The boys they met up with were very odd, Mitarai decided. One had crazy purple hair, and the other… He just looked like a geek. He pulled out a map he had drawn and showed them the distance from where they were to the cave.

"Yeah, that looks about right."

The boy looked up. "And you are…?"

Before he could say anything, Kurama started talking. Mitarai was thankful. At least these boys didn't seem to mind, and they didn't care what he looked like. But he should be polite anyway. He bowed slightly. "Pleased to meet you."

The other boys exchanged glances, but Genkai interrupted. Again, for which Mitarai was grateful.

-

As they neared the cave, Botan paused and turned back. Yusuke and a demon (Hiei?) were running their way. Once they were close, Kurama started going over what they knew. First the number of psychics, then on the time left. Then they mentioned Gourmet. Mitarai quickly explained the basics of him. Finally, Genkai said who would be going into the cave first. He wasn't mentioned…

When he asked to go, Hiei glared at him. "Why the hell should we trust you?"

Mitarai looked down. "Because I'm much more… indebted to Mr. Kuwabara than anybody." He looked over at Yusuke. The other boy stared at him for a few seconds, then put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're alright. Let's go."

Mitarai was surprised that he was trusted already. He smiled. "I won't let you down."

_I'll try not to, anyway…_

Yusuke was frustrated by the fact that it took two hours to get through the cave, but he quickly resigned himself to it, and they entered.

About halfway through, Mitarai stopped them. "You see that door? There's not supposed to be a door there!"

A large door with a G on it blocked the way forward.

"Perhaps… we took a wrong turn?" Kurama suggested.

"No, we've done everything right. This door is new."

Yusuke frowned. "I've seen this door before… Recently… Why can't I remember?"

-Welcome to Goblin City, where your team of seven heroes must clash iron with the evil Goblin King and restore peace to the town.-

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "Goblin City?"

"A popular arcade game," Kurama replied.

"That doesn't explain why it's come to life in a cave."

"Amanuma," Mitarai said quietly. "He is the Gamemaster."

When they heard a child's voice speak, that settled it.

"That's him, all right. We won't be able to even enter his territory until we fit into the game somehow. And we have to get through there to get to where Itsuki is."

The child spoke again, indicating that they had to have seven players to enter.

The choice was unfavorable, but they had to go back to get three people and come back inside. Mitarai felt uncomfortable- he hated the cave. Too many memories… He shoved them away. He had to focus.

The doors opened, and they walked in to see Amanuma's territory.

"Took you long enough to find seven people."

The group spent the next few minutes discussing how they'd play the game. The wheel was then spun- tennis. He could play that.

-

In the end, their group won against the Gamemaster. Mitarai at once felt sad for the child, but he agreed with Kurama- the boy hadn't known wrong from right, and it was his own fault. He hadn't liked his turn at the game- Amanuma had really hit a nerve, mentioning his life from before. At least the others hadn't mentioned anything. He wasn't ready to tell them anything.

He had been scared during the battle between Yusuke and Sensui. He honestly hadn't known who would win, and he was uncomfortable being inside the creature Itsuki had summoned.

The knowledge about Sensui having other personalities had at once shocked him, and explained many things. Namely, his behavior towards Mitarai over the last month or so. Kuwabara was confused and maybe even nervous about that, and when Itsuki mentioned his love for Sensui. His reactions would have been comical, if the situation had not been so serious.

-

Yusuke had been killed… the others had followed Sensui through the tunnel into Demon World, leaving Mitarai and Koenma behind. Mitarai watched the interaction between Koenma and the SDF curiously. He didn't understand what they were doing, but he couldn't say anything before one of them shot energy towards him, sending him flying.

What the leader said next shocked him. They had to kill Yusuke? The more of the explanation he heard, the angrier he got. Yusuke had helped the Spirit World, hadn't he?

"-Which is why we must destroy his corpse!"

"You'll have to do it over my dead body." Mitarai didn't know where the words were coming from, but he let them come out as he got up and walked back towards the others.

A shock suddenly coursed through his body, and things got hazy. He couldn't move…

It took a minute, but he summoned all the energy he could and looked up. Yusuke was on his feet… he was alive? His energy kept draining, and the last thing he heard before he blacked out was Yusuke saying they'd come back for him. He didn't count on it, but he hoped they would…


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, here's where my own stuff starts coming back in. Thank you for being patient. I know this chapter ends in a bad spot, but I'll try and get the next part up soon.

The content in this chapter is a bit odd to me, but I hope you like reading it.

Disclaimer: Dont own YYH.

* * *

When Mitarai came to, the first thing he saw was Kuwabara in front of him. The older teen smiled. 

"Good to see you up. You okay?"

Mitarai nodded, even though his head hurt. He glanced over at the SDF, who were doing their best to ignore the group.

"Don't worry about them. Let's get out of here."

Mitarai stood and the group started the walk back to the entrance of the cave. As they walked, Mitarai looked over at Yusuke curiously. The teen's hair had grown all the way down his back, and markings covered his skin. He didn't ask about it, though.

Once all the excitement of their return died down with the others, Kuwabara took Mitarai aside.

"Here," he said softly, handing the younger teen a piece of paper. "That's my address. Send me a letter anytime."

Mitarai was surprised that Kuwabara would still want to keep in contact with him, but he supposed he should take this as a good thing. He smiled and nodded.

"I will."

"Now we have to take you home."

That brought Mitarai's thoughts to a stop. "Home?"

"Yeah." Kuwabara looked confused. "Don't you wanna go home?"

_Where IS home, anyway? I can't stay here, and Mr. Sensui is gone… I'm not going back to my mom- what am I supposed to do?_

He forced a laugh and a smile. "My house isn't really that far from here. I can walk."

The older boy was skeptical, but at least he didn't pry. "Okay, see you around, Mitarai."

As he watched the group leave him and Amanuma behind, Mitarai felt a little sad. They had been nice to him, especially Kuwabara. But… he didn't really deserve that. And he was going to die. He knew it. No way he could survive on the streets.

Amanuma looked at him. "Why're you all upset?"

Mitarai blinked, surprised. "It's nothing. Just thinking. Shouldn't you be heading home?"

"Shouldn't you?" The younger boy looked a little annoyed. "You can't keep staying here like you did before. Just go home."

Mitarai was shocked. Amanuma had known that he had stayed in the cave?

"Fine. I will." He started to walk down the path towards the city. "Goodbye, Amanuma."

-

The world decided to rain that night.

_How ironic._ Mitarai, even though he usually liked the rain, was not in the mood. He needed to find a place to sleep.

There- a ledge over some steps. He could sit and wait it out. As he sat and watched the rain, he pulled his sweatshirt closer around him. Even though it was April, he felt cold.

He wondered how the others of the Seven had fared. The Doctor was obviously in a sticky situation, and hadn't they killed Sensui? Itsuki would have taken him somewhere, then… He saw Kurama kill Gourmet. He knew Amanuma would be home by now, so that just left himself and Sniper. Had he died? Mitarai wasn't sure.

He knew he was going to die. No way around it. Too bad he couldn't have done anything more in those fourteen years. It would have been nice to have a boyfriend, or live in a better place…

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the door open.

"What the- get out of here!"

His head snapped up- a man stood in the doorway, hands on his hips.

"I don't want some homeless kid here- get out!"

Mitarai quickly got up and backed away.

"I'm sorry-"

"Go!"

He turned and ran down the street, no idea of where to go.

The majority of the night was spent finding places to sit before someone found him. By the time morning had come, he was exhausted. But the rain was over.

As his wandering led him to the park, he noticed the playground. Tunnel. Quiet. Sleep.

He crawled inside and curled up, closing his eyes. His chest stung, but he ignored it. He was asleep in minutes.

-

"Mommy! There's a boy in here!"

Mitarai's eyes opened- a small girl sat in front of him, looking confused.

What had she said? It was English, maybe… A woman's voice (probably her mother) responded.

"What's your name?" the girl asked. Mitarai frowned. He didn't understand.

"You don't speak English?" The girl laughed. "You don't look Japanese!"

Mitarai understood that. He backed up some. The girl stared at him for a few moments before leaving.

"Mom, I think he's lost."

"Then leave him alone. We can't do anything."

He heard footsteps leaving the park, and assumed they weren't going to do anything to him. Was that a good thing?

-

For most of the day, Mitarai stayed in the tunnel. It was boring, but at least no one would bother him and he could think.

If he was condemned to this, should he really even try? He had no way of getting food. The only other place he could go was back to his mother. And he wasn't going to do that.

He had his knife, still… No. What was he thinking? He couldn't do that. If only for the reason that Kuwabara was expecting a letter from him. He could find some paper…

-

It had been almost a week. He had sent Kuwabara a letter three days into the nightmare, saying he was in school and fine.

He had spent most of his time in the park, sleeping in the tunnel and drinking from the fountain. He was very hungry, and his chest wound was starting to hurt. It had started to bleed again, and he couldn't change the bandages.

He ventured outside less and less, as people would give him odd looks.

Finally, a few days later, he couldn't take it anymore. His mind was getting hazy, his body hurt all over… he had to find somebody.

He slowly left the park as it started to rain again. Just his luck…

As he shoved his hands into his pockets, he felt a slip of paper. Oh- Kuwabara had given him his address!

He started to walk towards Sarayashiki, his mind now set on one goal. Find Kuwabara. He could get something to eat, and maybe a place to rest.

It was a long walk, and the weather didn't let up. Once he reached the city, he took out the paper and looked at it. Now he had to find the street.

The street signs started to blur, and he couldn't think straight.

_Remember. Kuwabara. Safety._

Lightening lit up the sky, illuminating the street signs.

_Right street. House on the corner. Keep walking._

As he got closer, he felt his energy start to fail.

_No! I need to make it…_

He fell to his knees, tears filling his eyes. He reached towards the door, trying to get close enough to knock.

As he fell to the ground, his fingers did little more than brush the door.

"Please…"

-

Inside, Kuwabara was sitting in his room, watching TV. The letter from Mitarai was on the bed next to him. He had gotten it a week before, but he couldn't stop reading it. There was something… odd about it. The words didn't sound right.

Suddenly, he felt a spark of energy outside. It felt familiar… He got up and went downstairs. The energy felt as if it was crying for help…

He opened the door- "Mitarai!"

The younger teen didn't respond. Kuwabara quickly rolled the boy onto his back and picked him up, then carried him inside the house.

"Shizuru! I'm gonna need your help here!"

His sister came into the room. "What is it now, Kazuma-" She stopped. "Isn't that the kid you fought with before?"

Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah. I found him outside. His energy feels really weak."

"I'll get some bandages. I have a feeling we'll need them."

Kuwabara laid the blonde boy on his bed, and removed the soaking wet sweatshirt. The bandages on his chest were stained with dried blood. He winced.

With Shizuru's help, he removed the bandages and sighed as he looked at the angry gash on the younger boy's chest. It looked infected.

"I think you need to wash him up," Shizuru remarked, glancing over Mitarai's body.

"Nah, that's invading his privacy. I'll let him wash himself when he wakes up."

Shizuru shrugged and handed Kuwabara the Neosporin.

As he put the ointment on the wound, Mitarai cringed.

"It hurts…"

"Mitarai?"

_That's your name. Wake up. Say something, stupid. Answer me, goddamnit! I asked you a question! Good question. Beautiful. You're beautiful, Mitarai. Just like Itsuki. You'll do. Touch…_

He shot up, breathing hard. It took him a moment to register the fact that he was in somebody's bedroom… he looked to the side. Kuwabara? He had made it, after all?

"How'd you know I was here?" His voice sounded faint.

"I felt your energy. What were you doing out there in weather like this? And in Sarayashiki?"

"I'm not going back. I can't go back. Not to my mom, not to the cave, not the park…" He was rambling. He shut his mouth and fell back onto the bed, eyes half shut.

"What are you talking about?"

Mitarai sighed, resigning himself. "I was living with Mr. Sensui and in the cave before, but then he died, and I had to go to the park."

"But why didn't you just stay with your mom?"

"She couldn't take of me, let alone herself. She hurt me…"

Kuwabara and Shizuru exchanged glances.

"So… you lied to me? In your letter?"

Mitarai looked away. "I'm sorry."

There was silence for a moment, then something occurred to Kuwabara.

"You stayed with Sensui? The crazy guy? Did he do anything to you?"

"Kazuma," Shizuru said sternly. "Leave him alone." She looked at Mitarai, her face becoming more gentle. "Do you want to shower?"

Mitarai nodded. "Where is it?"

-

The warm water felt good on his skin, after having gone two weeks without it. It made his chest burn, but he ignored it as best he could. It was infected, he knew.

He got out of the shower and got a towel. He then realized something. He needed clothes. He opened the door to Kuwabara's room, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Mr. Kuwabara? Do you have any clothes I could borrow?" he asked timidly. The older boy nodded.

"Yeah. I set some out for you- they're a bit big, but yours are in the wash. They'll be out in a little."

Mitarai smiled. "Thank you."


	10. Chapter 10

Okay, the chapter is a little later than I would have liked, but I was feeling really crappy yesterday. So I'm updating now. :) Warning- disturbing dream. Not too detailed, but just letting you know. (I think I'm getting obsessed with them. -sigh-)

Dont own YYH.

* * *

As it was late, Mitarai decided to wait until morning to eat. He let Kuwabara disinfect and bandage his wound in silence, their eyes not meeting. It felt horribly awkward, and both had many questions to ask.

When he was done, Kuwabara smiled at the other teen.

"There you go. You wanna take my bed for tonight?"

Mitarai shook his head. "No, it's yours."

Kuwabara chuckled. "I guess you're right. Here, let me set up some blankets."

Mitarai felt a little awkward, lying on the floor in Kuwabara's room. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt and pants while his clothes were in the wash.

He didn't want to make the older boy feel awkward, so he stayed quiet. The sooner they fell asleep, the better.

Though, he couldn't sleep. He should have felt tired- how far had he walked that night? But even though his body was exhausted, his mind was racing and wouldn't stay quiet.

What was going to happen now? Was he going to stay with Kuwabara? How would that work? Would the older boy _want_ him to stay? He couldn't go on the streets again, and he did _not_ want to go back to his mother.

Eventually, he fell asleep, thoughts still chasing each other around in his mind.

-

He was in the cave, practicing his power. The water was turning a murky red, but the monster hadn't formed yet. He was getting frustrated.

"Relax, Mitarai. You're trying too hard."

The blonde teen turned to face the older male entering the cavern.

"I don't know why it's not working, Mr. Sensui. I'm trying to make a larger monster, but I don't think there's enough blood yet…"

Sensui smiled slightly. "You're going to bleed yourself dry. Relax for a little while."

He sat down, a strange glint in his eye. "Is the water alright today, Mitarai?"

That was an odd question… "It's warm…"

"That's nice." Sensui slowly removed his shirt. "Would you like to go for a swim with me?"

Mitarai felt nervous. He knew what that look meant. This wouldn't be a pleasant experience… but he was too scared not to do what Sensui said, so he nodded and started to remove his own clothes.

Once he was down to his boxers, he could feel Sensui's gaze on him.

"Off, Mitarai."

A tremble went through his stomach, but he complied, wading into the water behind the other naked male.

A few feet in, the water started to get deeper until his feet could barely touch the bottom. Sensui stopped and turned around. Their faces were so close, Mitarai could feel the other's breath on his face.

They stood there in silence for a few moments before their lips met. Mitarai just let it happen- he knew it'd be over eventually.

After a minute or so, the kissing became more fierce, and he knew what would be coming soon. The older male turned him around and Mitarai braced himself for the pain.

It came, and he bit down on a cry and forced himself to stay as quiet as he could. He felt a slight burning sensation, but he was used to that. Now the apology would come, Sensui would leave, and it would go back to the way it was before.

However, something unexpected happened. He felt a spark of… pleasure? He looked back at Sensui, and blinked in confusion.

"Mr. Sensui…?"

The older male smirked slightly and continued his actions. Mitarai knew in some part of his mind that this was wrong, but he couldn't seem to control his body anymore.

He finished, panting, and then realization of what happened hit him. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and he looked away. Sensui smiled wistfully.

"I'm sorry, Mitarai…"

"_Mitarai? Wake up. Time to eat."_

The blonde teen stirred, then opened his eyes. Oh… he was at Kuwabara's, not in the cave. What happened with Sensui was weeks old. He was fine.

-

He wanted to eat. He _needed_ to eat. But the dream he had had… it had made his appetite completely disappear. He felt as if it would make him sick if he tried to swallow anything besides some water.

Kuwabara watched him, confused. "Mitarai? Are you okay? I thought you'd be hungry."

Mitarai forced a smile. "I'm fine, Mr. Kuwabara. Just a little tired."

Well, now he had to eat, whether he wanted to or not. He had to prove he was okay.

After breakfast, of which he had managed to eat a little, Mitarai went back to his nest of blankets to sleep. He felt like he shouldn't, but since he had had only restless sleep at best for the past two weeks, he just wanted to collapse.

-

He was back in the cave with Yusuke and his friends. Kuwabara was in the boat, Gourmet standing in front of the group.

_I have to help him… he saved me, I have to help… But what am I supposed to do? They can't hurt him…_

"You want to save Mr. Kuwabara so much because he saved you," Gourmet said, a confident smile on his face. "But you're terrified of Mr. Sensui finding out how much your new buddy means to you. You're scared that he'll kill him to punish you for being a traitor."

_How much he means to me? But… I don't even…_

The other psychic smirked. "Of course you know. I wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't already there in your head. Admit how you feel, Seaman."

Mitarai felt shook up. "But I don't-"

"You love him!"

Mitarai woke up with a gasp, tears in his eyes, the shocked faces of the group etched in his mind.

_Just a dream. Doesn't mean anything. I don't feel anything…_

He wiped his eyes carefully. He needed to look normal. Fine.

Kuwabara entered the room. "The wash is done, so you can get your clothes-" he paused. "You okay?"

A shiver ran through his stomach, but he smiled. "I'm fine, Mr. Kuwabara. Thank you, though."

He quickly went to get his clothes. It felt too awkward being around Kuwabara, after what he had dreamed.

As he was changing in the bathroom, he could sense Kuwabara's energy outside the door. He didn't knock, so he wondered what the older teen could want.

He exited the room, feeling a bit more comfortable in his own clothes.

"Mitarai? Could I talk to you about something serious?"

The blonde teen felt a little nervous, but nodded.

"So, you said you were staying with Sensui?"

Mitarai nodded. "That's right."

"I know Shizuru told me to shut up about it, but did Sensui actually do anything to you?"

Freeze. Mitarai looked away, trying to keep his muscles from trembling. But it didn't matter. Kuwabara knew.

"He _did_ do something, didn't he?" he asked softly. "I'm sorry."

_Sorry._ Mitarai felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Suddenly, he felt arms around him and blinked, surprised.

"What…?"

"I won't make you tell me about it if you don't want to, but you can." Kuwabara let go and backed off. Mitarai hesitated, then shook his head.

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

Kuwabara nodded. "That's okay."

There was silence for a few moments before Mitarai decided to voice a fear that had been gnawing at him.

"Mr. Kuwabara… What are you going to do with me?"

The older boy frowned. "What d'you mean?"

"I mean- are you going to let me stay here?"

As soon as he said it, he regretted it. You didn't just show up at somebody's house and ask to stay…

"Of course."

"What?"

"I'm serious. You don't have anywhere else to go. I'm not kicking you out."

Mitarai just stared in disbelief. "Thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you so much to those that reviewed- it means a lot that you like it. Those that suggested things- I tried to modify what I had- I like some parts better than others in here, but I hope you like it.

Dont own YYH.

* * *

Mitarai lay back onto the blankets on the floor in Kuwabara's room, thinking. He was grateful to Kuwabara, of course, but it felt a little overwhelming.

"Mitarai? I don't want to keep bugging you, but can you tell me about your mom?"

There was silence for a minute as Mitarai internally debated what he was going to do.

Finally, he sighed. "I'll tell you…" _Everything…_

As he explained to Kuwabara about his home (and occasionally school) life, he could feel the older teen getting angry. He knew it wasn't aimed at him, but it still made him feel nervous.

Once he got to his first meeting with Sensui, he stopped talking, feeling awkward. He didn't want to talk about the older male, after what he had dreamed about. Kuwabara looked confused.

"So you saw Sensui, then what?"

Mitarai bit his lip. "I guess I fainted- I woke up in his apartment. Then after that is when we watched Chapter Black."

Kuwabara nodded, thinking. "And then somewhere in that time between him finding you and you trying to kill me he hurt you… how many times?"

Mitarai hesitated. "Four times…?"

Kuwabara ran a hand over his face. "I'm sorry."

Mitarai was confused. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"I know. But I feel bad that you had to go through that."

"Oh… Well, he's gone now, so I'll be okay." Mitarai gave a small smile and was happy to see the older boy give one in return.

-

For most of the day he hung out in Kuwabara's room, brooding over old memories and wondering about how his life would be different now that he was staying with Kuwabara. Would he have to go back to school? Most likely.

He felt nervous- it hadn't been quite two months since he had quit… but catching up with the work wasn't what he was worried about. Facing Tsume again… all of the kids and teachers who he had seen before the insanity started… After everything that had happened to him.

But then again, why should he worry? He could defend himself now, to an extent.

Trying to distract himself, he started to study Kuwabara's room. The older boy had gone out somewhere- maybe to tell Yusuke about this new development?

The bed was unmade- wrinkled green sheets covered it, with a few other blankets on the floor where Mitarai had slept the night before. Posters of the American band Kuwabara liked covered the otherwise bare white walls. There was a stereo and a case of CDs in the corner opposite the bed, and on the same wall, there was a TV and a VCR. A bookcase on the remaining wall with a desk completed the room, and Mitarai lay down on his back, staring at the ceiling.

He wondered where Kuwabara's parents were. He hadn't seen them or heard anything about them… maybe the two siblings lived alone? Were their parents dead? Or divorced? He'd ask Kuwabara.

Another bout of curiosity hit; did Shizuru stay at home, or did she have a job? She probably needed one, if they lived by themselves…

After an investigation of the house, he realized that Shizuru was nowhere to be found. Probably had a job, then.

One thing confused him, though. There were two normal bedrooms, and then a larger one for two adults. So their parents _had_ to live there- they wouldn't have bought a house with all the extra space otherwise, right?

After he had explored a little more, he hung out in Kuwabara's room until he heard the front door open.

Curious, he left the room and headed downstairs- Shizuru and a middle-aged man were talking in the hallway. The man glanced up at him, then paused, his eyebrows raising in surprise. "Shizuru, who is that?"

"He's this kid Kazuma took in. Found him here yesterday night, unconscious and bleeding."

The man nodded. "I see." He held out his hand to Mitarai. "Nice to meet you. Hizume Kuwabara. And your name is?"

"Kiyoshi Mitarai," Mitarai replied, shaking the man's hand.

"It's good to see you up and fine now," Hizume said, smiling.

"Thank you," Mitarai said, a smile coming to his face as well. He turned to Shizuru.

"Do you know when your brother is getting home?"

Shizuru shrugged. "Beats me. I think he's at Yusuke's or something. But he'll be home by dinner. He always is."

Mitarai didn't want to be rude, but he couldn't help feeling awkward around Hizume, and so he went back upstairs until about five thirty, when he heard the door open again.

He opened the door and went downstairs to see Kuwabara talking to Shizuru and his father quietly. About him? Probably.

After a moment, Kuwabara and Shizuru noticed he was watching them and turned around. Kuwabara smiled.

"Hey, Mitarai. It's almost time to eat- you hungry?"

Mitarai nodded, feeling a little surprised. He hadn't noticed all afternoon, having been lost in thought most of the time.

While they ate, Mitarai could feel Kuwabara's father watching him.

"So, Kiyoshi, what circumstances led you to meeting Kazuma?"

Mitarai hesitated, unsure of how to answer. Did he know about Kuwabara's job?

"He ran away from home because his mother hurt him," Kuwabara said quickly. "Last night I could feel someone outside that needed help, so I opened the door and there he was. He must have had a run-in with some guys from one of the schools- he had a nasty gash on his chest."

Hizume looked concerned, and Kuwabara quickly reassured him. "Don't worry, me and Shizuru bandaged him up."

Hizume smiled. "Good job. Just what I'd expect of you, Kazuma."

Kuwabara grinned, and Mitarai smiled as well. He was glad the older boy had spoken for him- though it had startled him when the man had called him Kiyoshi. No one had done that in a _long_ time…

He half listened to the conversation for a few more minutes before Kuwabara spoke to him.

"Are you done eating, Mitarai?"

He nodded.

"Okay. You want to shower? I can get you some pajamas again."

Mitarai smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Kuwabara."

As he left, he heard Hizume ask his son why he had been spoken to as an adult. Weren't they both teenagers?

He blushed slightly as he went up the stairs. Why _didn't _he call Kuwabara by his first name? Or even simply Kuwabara. They _were _close in age…

He shook off the thoughts as he got into the shower. He'd drop the formalities, if only to put the father at ease. But he still had to be careful about how he acted around Kuwabara.

He was completely clueless about what would happen now… take it a day at a time- don't think too far ahead. That's how he survived with his mother. He could do it again.


	12. Chapter 12

Wow, lots of hits. I'm very happy. :) Now... I'm not VERY pleased with this chapter, but it's been long enough since I updated. Just letting you know, I have also started a fic in the Dragonriders of Pern fandom, which I will divide time between with this. (However, this will be a slightly higher priority.)

Dont own YYH. Hope you like the chapter.

* * *

Apparently it was Friday night, so Kuwabara was staying up late. Mitarai lay on his makeshift bed on the floor, staring at the ceiling. He wasn't sure whether he should stay up with the older teen, or if he should sleep.

He was tempted to stay up, but he didn't know what he could possibly talk about, so he turned onto his side and closed his eyes.

-He was back in the cave- Gourmet had just read his mind, and the group was staring at him.

"_What?_" Yusuke asked, disbelieving.

Mitarai looked down in shame. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to-"

"Didn't mean to fall in love with my teammate?"

He cringed. The most painful thing about this was that he hadn't seen Kuwabara's reaction… he chanced a glance up. Sensui slowly raised a hand, pointing towards the boat.

"You were a traitor," he said, creating a ball of energy. "You must be punished."

Mitarai's eyes widened. "No! Mr. Sensui, please don't!"

He tried to move forward, but Gourmet held him back. Sensui released the energy towards Kuwabara- there was a splash, then silence.

A cry tore itself from Mitarai's throat as he frantically pulled away from the other psychic, rushing to the water's edge.

"Kuwabara!"

He got no response, and tears filled his eyes.

"No… _No!_" He pounded a fist on the ground. "He can't… he can't be dead…"

That last emotion-filled look in the older boy's eyes before he fell into the water… had he been angry? He died, and it was his, Mitarai's, fault.-

"Mitarai? Wake up."

The blonde teen opened his eyes, suddenly intensely relieved.

_A dream… Thank God._

"You were crying.. You okay?"

_I was? Perfect._

He wiped his eyes and put on a fake smile. "I'm all right. Just a bad dream."

"What about?" Kuwabara sat on the floor next to him, looking genuinely concerned.

Mitarai hesitated. "It was another way the meeting with Gourmet could have gone."

Kuwabara seemed confused. "What d'you mean? Did he hurt you or something?"

Mitarai shook his head. "He… Mr. Sensui, that is, killed you… because of what Gourmet found out."

Kuwabara frowned, trying to remember what the psychic had said.

"_You're scared that Mr. Sensui will find out how much your new buddy means to you, aren't you? You're terrified that he'll kill him to punish you for being a traitor."_

"You got pretty upset after what he said," Kuwabara mentioned. "Is it still bugging you?"

Mitarai looked away and nodded, feeling tense.

"And it's not just what he said…" _And what he didn't…_ "it was horrible, watching you die, even if it wasn't real."

Kuwabara stayed silent, thinking. "But you didn't- and still kinda don't- know me all that well. Why does it get you so upset?"

He noticed the tension in the other teen's shoulders after that.

"Mitarai?"

Should he tell? What would happen? He glanced up at Kuwabara's eyes- filled with worry. He couldn't do that to him. He couldn't tell.

"My… chest hurts," he said softly, looking away again. "That's all."

Kuwabara looked skeptical, but relented.

"D'you need it re-bandaged?"

_No._ "Only if it's bleeding again- you shouldn't have to otherwise."

The older teen smiled gently. "Better to keep that gash clean. Besides, it's the least I can do. I gave it to you, after all."

Mitarai did his best to fight back a blush and nodded.

"Still looks infected," Kuwabara remarked, after he had removed the bandages. He took the Neosporin from the bedside table and proceeded to carefully apply it to the wound.

Mitarai ignored the pain and tried to focus instead on the sensation of those slightly rough fingers moving across his torso. How they quickly but gently wrapped the new bandages around his chest, to just the right tightness.

He felt almost disappointed when the older boy was done.

"It's really late," Kuwabara said, glancing at the clock. "Let's go to sleep."

-

Mitarai wasn't tired. Well, that wasn't right. He was tired but couldn't sleep again. He didn't want to have dreams about Sensui again, or the other psychics, or of his childhood… he didn't even want dreams about Kuwabara. All he wanted was a nice, dreamless sleep. But he was too scared that he wouldn't get one. He couldn't relax enough to fall asleep.

He knew Kuwabara was asleep, though. He could hear the light snoring coming from the bed (which was oddly comforting…).

Mitarai sat up and watched the older boy's face, studying every part of it, trying to memorize what it looked like.

It was oddly pleasant, just sitting and watching, not worried about what Kuwabara would say, or think… He was nice to look at- handsome.

A memory of Sensui calling him beautiful came to mind and he looked away, stomach clenching. He really had to get over that… He glanced at the clock. 2:30. Maybe he _should _go to sleep.

Mitarai lay down on his side so that he could still see Kuwabara's face if he opened his eyes, and slowly relaxed, muscle by muscle, until he finally fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Wow- I didn't know I had this much written already. So I DO get to update on time. Hooray. Anyway, I'm fairly proud of this chapter, though not completely... I hope you guys like it. Review if you wish.

I don't own YYH.

* * *

2:45

Kuwabara was awake. Somebody had woken him up with turbulent emotions- he was sure it was Mitarai.

He opened his eyes, slowly looking around the room. Mitarai was lying down facing him, eyes closed. He didn't look happy, but he was asleep… He didn't look like he was having a nightmare, which was good, but Kuwabara could tell he hadn't fallen asleep in a good mood.

He closed his eyes and rolled over. He worried about Mitarai too much. But… it was too hard _not_ to. His past was sad- no, scratch that. His _whole life_ was sad.

Up until now. Kuwabara supposed Mitarai had finally gotten lucky when they met. The younger teen had finally met a person who cared about him.

Kuwabara also supposed that it was lucky that Mitarai hadn't gotten sick. After how far he had walked, in the rain, with an infected wound, it was _very_ lucky.

But… even as he worried about the younger teen, Kuwabara was happy to have him around. True, he was fairly shy and nervous much of the time, but had the potential to stand up for himself, and he was interesting… not just because of his past, but he was a fairly complex person, and Kuwabara wanted to be able to understand him.

He had been so angry when he heard what Sensui had done. True, he didn't know specifics, but he could guess. Mitarai was too nice a kid to have had all that happen to him- and he was only fourteen, no less! He deserved to have at least a _little_ happiness.

But… why did _he_ have to be the one to give it? Wouldn't it have been easier _not_ to take Mitarai in? To just report the abuse to police and let them handle it?

Kuwabara sighed. This was too complicated to think about this early in the morning. Why couldn't he just fall asleep already?

However, just as he was getting closer to sleep, what Gourmet had said replayed in his head again, suddenly giving him a deeper understanding of what had happened earlier.

__

"You're scared that Mr. Sensui will find out how much your new buddy means to you, aren't you? You're terrified that he'll kill him to punish you for being a traitor."

-how much your new buddy means to you… kill him to punish you… Means to you?

"_But you didn't- and still kinda don't- know me all that well. Why does it get you so upset?"_

_Tension in the other boy's shoulders, that frightened look in his eyes…_

_Aw, no…_

Kuwabara sat up, looking over at the other boy, lying on the floor next to his bed, suddenly understanding.

_He loves me…_

* * *

The next morning, when Mitarai woke up, something felt off. Kuwabara was acting funny around him, and he briefly wondered if his secret had been figured out. But he quickly dismissed that. After all, he hadn't said anything.

…But then… what was going on?

A little after lunch, Kuwabara suggested they go to visit Yusuke. He didn't mention specifically why, only he had to discuss something with him. Mitarai was only too glad to come along, as he didn't want to be alone in the house all day. (Shizuru had gone off somewhere, and Kuwabara's father apparently worked on Saturdays.)

The walk was quiet- Mitarai tried to distract himself from the thoughts that maybe Kuwabara had figured it out. He hadn't told. Nothing to worry about..

But when the door to Yusuke's apartment opened, he was surprised enough to forget about distracting himself. Not just Yusuke was at the door- Koenma was there, too.

"Hey, Urameshi… why's Koenma here?"

Yusuke looked uncomfortable as the other two came inside.

"Problems in Spirit World. Why'd you bring Mitarai?"

"Didn't wanna leave him home all day. Now c'mon, I need to talk to you."

Yusuke nodded. "'Kay. K-chan, you stay in here with Mitarai."

"'K-chan?'" Kuwabara asked, confused. Yusuke sighed, looking irritated.

"Yeah. Look, we're together now… and I wasn't gonna show you this, but…"

He held out a hand. "Look at that."

There was a silver band on his ring finger. When Kuwabara looked over at Koenma, he wore one as well.

"You're getting _married,_ Urameshi?"

Yusuke shrugged. "I don't want to call it that- sounds too traditional. I just told him it meant I loved him, and I wanted to give him proof."

"And then did he get on your case for being mushy?"

"Yeah, but then he gave me one too, so… he really had no argument anymore. Now let's go, already. I thought you wanted to talk."

"I did! Then you sidetracked me with the ring and everything."

Yusuke rolled his eyes, but led the other boy into the next room.

Mitarai had been watching the exchange curiously. While he was happy for the two, it also made him feel a little sad. He didn't know if he'd ever get there with Kuwabara, or if the older teen would want to even get started.

Koenma watched him curiously. "What's up with you?"

Mitarai hesitated. The less people he told, the less likely it would be for Kuwabara to find out. But Koenma seemed to figure this out quickly.

"I _can_ keep a secret, you know," he said gently. "Even from Yusuke, if I need to."

Mitarai hesitated a little more. It _was_ tempting to tell _somebody_, and he could trust Koenma, couldn't he?

"It- it's about Mr. Kuwabara," he started, and immediately internally berated himself for using a formality again.

Koenma nodded. "Did something happen? I heard you've been living with him?"

"It didn't so much happen between us… more like I got dreams, and things got awkward. Just from my end."

"What were they about? Kuwabara?"

Mitarai nodded. "And they made me start thinking about him a lot, and I'm starting to feel… not _right_, around him."

Koenma frowned slightly. "Do you think he's going to hurt you?"

"No, I know he won't do that. But… I just keep feeling this way around him… like you and Yusuke."

"Ah." Koenma nodded in understanding. "I get it. So you like him?"

"Yes, I think so… but I don't really feel like it's justified. I don't know him that well…"

"I know how you feel, but I don't think I can do anything. Romance is something humans have to work out on their own."

"But I've never liked someone before- I don't know what to do…"

Koenma sighed. "Mitarai… I don't if there's anything you _can_ do. The last I heard, Kuwabara liked a girl."

Mitarai restrained himself from asking questions like "Who?" and "How long ago?" because he knew it wouldn't really help much. He looked down at his hands in his lap and tried to convince himself that this was perfectly fine. Now he didn't have to worry about all the "what ifs" in a relationship. And there wouldn't be another chance for things to happen like they did with Sensui. He was going to be fine.


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, I know this is a _short_ chapter, but I wanted to update this weekend, and I couldnt get any more down. I thank those that reviewed- you guys are totally awesome. :) Though, I feel kinda bad that some things that I didnt really pay attention to, you mentioned like it was important..(sigh) Some parts were already written and made the plot forward stick, or I'd get rid of them and make it more realistic.

This one has a bit more Kuwa than I'd like, but I needed it there. I hope you guys like this one. Review if you wish.

I dont own YYH.

* * *

"So, Kuwa, what's this about? Mitarai?"

Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah…"

Yusuke waited for a moment, then prodded. "Well? What happened?"

"You remember that psychic who worked with Sensui? The one that was gonna eat me?"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Because of a dream Mitarai had about him, I remembered what he said after he read Mitarai's thoughts… and I found out something kinda weird that freaked me out."

"What was it, already?"

Kuwabara paused for a moment, then sighed. "He likes me, Urameshi."

There was silence for almost a whole minute.

"Well," Yusuke started carefully. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know, that's the thing!" Kuwabara replied, sounding stressed out. "I don't think I _should _do anything. He's young, he's been abused, and I don't wanna hurt him."

"Don't worry about hurting him," Yusuke said. "I know you wouldn't. You're too nice to start doing what Sensui did to him. Actually," he laughed, "you could help him get over that. If you two got together, it'd be good for you both."

Kuwabara hesitated. "I guess, but… I mean, it just feels so weird, y'know? I thought I liked Yukina, and then here's Mitarai, who likes me… Yukina never liked me that way, you know.."

Yusuke blinked in surprise. "Really? Aw, that sucks."

Kuwabara shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I'm not saying it because I think she'd be a problem here- I don't even think it's a problem with Mitarai, or the fact he's a guy. I just need to figure out if I like him like that."

Yusuke nodded. "Makes sense. It was kinda weird for me when I thought about liking Koenma."

He paused. "It starts out feeling awkward, but when you actually tell each other, you're kind of relieved you did it. I can't tell you what you're feeling, Kuwa, but if you do end up telling him you like him…" he smiled. "it'll be worth it."

Kuwabara was confused. He couldn't say he had feelings for Mitarai, but he did admit that he wanted to get closer to the other teen. He wanted to help him get over what had happened to him. But did that equal love? Would he, _could_ he tell Mitarai that he "felt the same", even if he wasn't sure? What if he had to back out? Would that hurt him even worse?

It was too much to think about, and the final decision was to not make a decision either way yet. Yusuke, and Koenma later on, promised to help him sort out things if he needed it, but it would be _him_ making the decision when it happened, not them.

The promise Kuwabara had to make was to not try and force himself either way. He would try to both think about the situation objectively and try being close to Mitarai and see how it felt. They would go back to Yusuke's the next weekend.

After a few more minutes of discussion, the two left the kitchen to see the others sitting on the couch, talking quietly. They looked over when the door opened, and Kuwabara said something about them having to go.

Yusuke quietly wished Kuwabara luck, and watched while he and Mitarai left.

* * *

For the rest of the weekend, things were pretty quiet. On Sunday, they got Mitarai a school uniform for Sarayashiki, as Kuwabara told him that he couldn't go back to his old school all the way back in Mushiyori. Mitarai was glad for that, as he didn't want to go back and face his classmates. He'd have a new start.

Then came Monday, and Mitarai quickly got set up in the new school, getting a schedule and learning the layout of the place. The day went well, and not many people seemed to notice that there was a new student. He was only slightly disappointed when he didn't see Kuwabara or Yusuke during classes. They weren't in the same grade, after all.

The next two days went by without incident, until Wednesday night.

The boys were watching TV- Mitarai didn't really care about what was on, he was just happy talking with the older teen. It was fairly late, and Shizuru and Hizume had gone to bed already.

Mitarai felt tired, and was about to suggest that they go to bed when he felt an arm around his shoulder. Conflicting thoughts flitted through his mind and he kept still, waiting to see what would happen, ignoring the instinct telling him to get away.

For almost a minute, nothing happened, then the arm pulled him closer until he was leaning on the older boy. He felt his face grow warm, but still didn't move or say anything.

After a minute or so without any change, Mitarai let himself start to relax. He got himself comfortable in the position he was in, and chanced a glance at Kuwabara's face. He looked preoccupied.

A few minutes later, Mitarai felt the older boy start to move, and moved out from under his arm.

"Ready for bed, Mitarai?"

The blonde teen nodded and followed Kuwabara upstairs to his room. He wasn't going to talk about what had happened, but he wondered what it had been about.

* * *

"So, Kuwa? How do you feel?"

The redhead shrugged. "Not much different from yesterday, Urameshi."

"Just checkin'. Want to make sure you're holding up your end of the promise."

Kuwabara rolled his eyes. "Why wouldn't I? I wanna figure this out as much as he probably does."

"So.. What did you do last night?"

"Sat with him on the couch and he was leanin' on me. Nothin' special…"

Yusuke sighed. "C'mon, Kuwabara! You have to do _something_ before the weekend!"

"Why? I don't wanna rush anything with him. And you _know_ I'm no good at this."

"Excuses, excuses."

"Shut up, Urameshi. We have to go back to class."


	15. Chapter 15

Okay, so this one isn't as good as I wished it would be, but I wanted to put something up for you, since I haven't updated for so long. Not particularly proud of the end of the chapter, but things are kind of stuck at the moment, and it was more forced than the rest of this. I hope you guys like reading this, though.

Hmm.. dont really know what else to say, so I'll just disclaim and stop talking.

Disclaimer: Don't own YYH.

* * *

Thursday and Friday nights, the same thing happened. While they watched TV, Kuwabara put an arm around Mitarai, and they sat in comfortable silence.

Mitarai still wasn't quite sure why he was doing it, but he would enjoy it while he could. He wasn't too worried about being hurt. But he did worry about if the older boy had figured out his secret. It wouldn't be hard- it wasn't like he didn't act happy when they "cuddled." Maybe he shouldn't… but he had to figure out if Kuwabara liked it. But- if he was the one initiating it, didn't that mean he did? He wouldn't do it otherwise, right? Unless he was just doing it to make him happy…

Mitarai shook his head, wishing the train of thought away. He needed to sleep. They were going to Yusuke's the next day, and he didn't want to be tired.

He hoped that Kuwabara was feeling okay… he had been acting weird for most of the day. Even when Mitarai had seen him in the hallway at school, his expression had been… not _sad,_ but almost disappointed. He wondered why.

The next morning, they headed off Yusuke's. It was very similar to the first time. Mitarai sat with Koenma in one room while the other two talked in the next room. He didn't talk this time, though. There was nothing to say.

...

"I don't feel much, Urameshi… I mean, it's nice holding him, but I can't really make a relationship outta that, y'know?"

"Yeah…" Yusuke looked more disappointed than he should be, Kuwabara thought. _He _wasn't the one trying to start a failing relationship.

"Is holding him all you did?"

"…Well, yeah. I don't know what else to do, really. He seemed to like it, though."

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Great. We already _know _he likes you- we need to figure out if you like him back."

"It's been this long, Urameshi. I'll admit, I like him more than a friend, but I can't say I love him. I don't know if I'm trying wrong or something, but I can't keep trying forever."

Yusuke sighed. "Give it just a _little _longer, Kuwa. If you still don't feel anything in a few days, then let him down gently."

Even though he knew he couldn't keep doing this forever, Kuwabara couldn't imagine just telling Mitarai something like "sorry, I don't like you the same way. You gonna be okay?" He didn't want to have to do that- he didn't want to hurt Mitarai any more than he already was… but it looked like he'd have to.

"Two more days, Kuwa. Just two. You have to give him that. I don't even think he knows you know he likes you."

"I know, I know…" Kuwabara shook his head. "It's hard, Urameshi. I want to tell him I like him, but I don't want to lie."

Yusuke nodded. "I know how you feel. Just wait the two days or so, then think about it again, okay?"

When Kuwabara exited the room a few minutes later, he made sure to put on a happier expression. He didn't want Mitarai to think something was wrong.

...

That night, as they got ready for bed, Kuwabara watched the younger teen as he got changed. Not in a perverted way, just glanced him over as he changed his shirt.

He was skinny. He would have been naturally, but the short homeless period had most likely contributed to his ribs being that visible. He had muscle, but it was lean, like a girl's.

The gash on his chest still made Kuwabara wince when he saw it. It _had _been getting better- the infection was gone- but he still felt a little guilty about it.

Apart from that feeling, Kuwabara held some tenderness towards Mitarai. He wouldn't classify it as love yet, but maybe he could, eventually.

…Eventually. When would that be? Would it be soon enough? Would he be able to make Mitarai happy and return his feelings, or would he give up? He didn't know.

He had become so lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice Mitarai watching him curiously.

"Kuwabara? Are you feeling okay?"

He blinked, coming back to the present. "Yeah, Mitarai, I'm fine."

"Is everything okay between you and Yusuke? You seemed kind of tense when we left."

"We're fine. I just needed to talk to him about something important."

Mitarai nodded and turned off the light. "Goodnight, Kuwabara."

"Night, Mitarai."

As he was trying to fall asleep, Mitarai could feel the older teen's eyes on his back. He wondered what he was thinking about. His thoughts didn't get much further than that before he fell asleep.

...

They were in Kuwabara's room, just sitting. It was a comfortable silence, just holding each other.

Then the room started to become dark. Kuwabara disappeared and Mitarai quickly stood, feeling frightened. The whole room was gone- he was standing on nothing.

There were a few seconds of the nothingness, then Sensui's apartment appeared around him. He could feel his heart beating faster in fear as he saw the older male walk towards him, the familiar glint in his eye.

__

He's dead, he can't be here! I have to be dreaming, right? …Then why aren't I waking up? Wake up!

Kuwabara heard soft, fearful noises coming from the other boy and sat up, looking over at him. Should he wake him up?

"Please…" he mumbled. "go away…"

__

That's a yes.

Kuwabara knelt next to the younger boy and gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"Mitarai, you have to wake up."

A shudder went through Mitarai's frame. "Stop…"

There were a few seconds of silence, then Kuwabara saw a tear trickle down Mitarai's cheek, and he felt a pang in his chest. He had to be dreaming about Sensui. He shook the younger teen's shoulder, and felt slightly relieved when he saw the blue eyes open.

"…Kuwabara?" Mitarai paused until he heard the affirmation. "Thank you."

"Sure thing."

Kuwabara hesitated for a moment, then pulled the other boy into a sitting position, wrapping an arm loosely around him.

"I'm sorry you dreamt about that," he said quietly.

"I'll be okay in a little." Uncertainness was evident in his voice, and Kuwabara tightened his hold a little.

"Just relax. If you want, you can stay with me for the rest of the night."

A few seconds of hesitation, then Mitarai nodded. "I will."


	16. Chapter 16

Okay, again, not as long as I'd like, but I like what's in here, and I'd taken long enough to update. I know that I'm working on two stories now, but I don't think that'll impact updating time TOO much... I hope. :P Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter- it was fun to write.

Disclaimer: YYH is not mine.

* * *

It was nice, Mitarai thought, being in the same bed as the older boy. True, it did make him a little bit nervous, but he could ignore that. This was Kuwabara.

He felt protective arms encircle him and moved closer to the other boy, smiling slightly. He wanted so much to tell the older boy how he felt… but he still felt scared.

"…Kuwabara?"

There was a quiet acknowledgement.

"Are the nightmares ever going to go away?" He felt like a child, asking a question like that- maybe he just needed support.

He felt the older boy's arms tighten around him for a moment.

"I really hope so, Mitarai."

He fell asleep quickly after that.

Kuwabara smiled at the boy in his arms once he felt him relax. Hopefully he'd sleep better now.

…This felt really nice, once he thought about it. Ignoring the fact that it only came about because he was having nightmares, it felt nice holding Mitarai like this. Maybe there was still hope for them having a relationship, after all.

...

The next morning when they woke up, they both felt a little bit awkward in their positions, but Kuwabara quickly suggested that they go have breakfast. With what he planned to talk about that morning, it was better that they were feeling comfortable.

While they were eating, Kuwabara thought through a little bit of what he was going to say, and decided that it was finally time to talk. He laid down his utensils, a serious look on his face.

"We need to talk."

Mitarai put down his utensils as well and nodded. "What about?"

"Us."

There was silence for half a minute, their gazes not quite meeting.

"So- does that mean you know…?"

Kuwabara nodded, and Mitarai looked away, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"And… do you feel the same?"

Kuwabara stayed quiet for a minute, thinking seriously about the question. He still didn't feel like he could say yes. He wanted to, he really did, but he still wasn't sure.

"I don't know," he said honestly. Mitarai stayed quiet, waiting for him to explain.

"I can't say no, because I know that I care about you, and I feel like I want to get closer to you. But at the same time I can't say yes, because-" he laughed softly. "I don't know if this is what love is supposed to feel like. I guess all we can do is get to know each other better and see what happens. Because I don't want you to get hurt if I have to back out, and if I tell you I love you, I want it to be true."

Mitarai had been listening silently to what the older boy had been saying, and he felt at the same time happy that his feelings had been respected, and also a little sad that Kuwabara didn't know yet. He stayed quiet for a moment, thinking, then looked up at the older boy hopefully.

"Even though you don't know… could I still- to know what it would be like, the right way…?" He drew back slightly. "No, I shouldn't ask you that."

Kuwabara smiled slightly. "No, it's okay. I was kinda expecting you to ask that, to be honest." He moved his chair over so he was sitting next to Mitarai. "And I guess I've been wanting to, too."

He watched the blue eyes widen slightly and his smile grew. He raised a hand and traced the other boy's face slowly, keeping their gazes locked.

After a few seconds of silence he leaned in and their lips met. It was kept carefully closed at first, his hands going to hold the younger boy gently around the waist. After a few seconds he requested permission to deepen it. It only took a moment for Mitarai to make up his mind, and let the other boy in.

Kuwabara tasted the sweet syrup from the pancakes they had been eating, and a certain unique flavor that belonged solely to the other boy. He felt a hand hesitantly lay on his chest and another on his arm. He smiled slightly into the kiss and heard a soft contented noise.

A few moments later he started to need air, and slowly pulled away. Mitarai's eyes opened, a shine in them that hadn't been there before. Kuwabara felt a warm feeling in his chest, knowing that he had been the one to put it there. Was this love?

Mitarai raised a hand to his lips, mind still on the kiss. He felt thankful that Kuwabara had done that, not knowing how he felt.

To be honest, he had been a little worried when the older boy had asked to deepen it. It had reminded him a little of Sensui.

But it had been better. So much better than before. And he had been so gentle… he felt like a girl, what with his heart pounding like that… what with the warmness he felt in his chest. But he didn't care. He felt happy that that had finally happened. He just hoped that Kuwabara would figure out how he felt soon.


	17. Chapter 17

First- I want to thank those that have reviewed. You guys are awesome. Second- I know this is insanely short.. but I have had extreme block lately.. and I don't know if I can/should continue this story. It could end nicely where it is.. or I could keep going.. I mean, I'll probably get more ideas later, but this thing is 41 pages in Word, and I don't know when it'll end- it's been going on for over 4 months. So we'll see. I hope you guys like this little bit, though.

Disclaimer: YYH is not mine.

* * *

Mitarai raised a hand to his lips, mind still on the kiss. He felt thankful that Kuwabara had done that, not knowing how he felt.

To be honest, he had been a little worried when the older boy had asked to deepen it. It had reminded him a little of Sensui.

But it had been better. So much better than before. And he had been so gentle… he felt like a girl, what with his heart pounding like that… what with the warmness he felt in his chest. But he didn't care. He felt happy that that had finally happened. He just hoped that Kuwabara would figure out how he felt soon.

"Kazuma?"

The two boys turned to see Shizuru standing in the entryway of the kitchen.

"Could I talk to you about something?"

Kuwabara nodded. "Sure… I'll be back in a minute, Mitarai."

The two went into the living room, out of the younger boy's earshot, and Shizuru looked at her brother seriously.

"I know what you did," she said quietly, "and I know I can't tell you what to do, but I need to know… are you serious about this, or are you leading him on?"

Kuwabara blinked, surprised. "Shizuru-"

"You said you didn't know if you loved him or not. If you don't, you should tell him and stop getting his hopes up."

Kuwabara felt a small surge of anger.

"I'm not leading him on, Shizuru! I really like him, okay? …He's really sweet, and I wouldn't ever hurt him. I'm serious."

Shizuru studied him for a minute, then relaxed. "That's good to know, Kazuma."

...

When Kuwabara went back to the kitchen, Mitarai glanced up at him with a smile.

"I heard a little," he said. "You're loud."

Kuwabara smiled sheepishly. "Yeah… but I meant what I said. I think you're really sweet… and I guess I figured out how I feel."

Mitarai's eyes widened slightly. "You did?"

Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah. I think I love you."

Before the younger boy could respond, he leaned in to kiss him again. It was much shorter than the first, but Mitarai's expression afterwards was elated.

He didn't feel like anything he could say would be accurate enough to describe how he felt. Kuwabara had said he loved him… he was more determined than ever to get over what Sensui had done now. He would get better… for Kuwabara.


	18. Chapter 18

Okay, so this is shorter than I wanted it to be, but I really wanted to actually put up a new chapter for this. Yes, I'll probably try and put up another chapter of Dancer before I update this again, but we'll see. I hope you guys like this, even though it's short- trying to push the plot forward a little. I'll do my best to update soon.

Disclaimer: Do not own YYH.

* * *

"So, Kuwabara? Anything happen over the weekend?"

The redhead tried- and failed- to suppress a grin as he took the next bite of his lunch.

"Yeah. Told him yesterday morning, and we slept together last night."

Yusuke's eyebrows shot up, and Kuwabara blushed.

"Not like that, Urameshi! Just shared a bed is all!"

"Yours can fit two?"

"Slept on the floor." Kuwabara looked mildly uncomfortable now.

"Hey, sorry, I'm just bein' a jerk. So, what happened?"

"I brought it up at breakfast, telling him I knew he liked me. He asked if he could kiss me, and…" he trailed off, remembering. "it was nice."

"…So," Yusuke said after a few moments of silence, "was he a good kisser?"

Kuwabara shot him a glare. "Go kiss your own boyfriend."

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Give me a break, Kuwabara, it's just a joke. You're being way too oversensitive about this whole thing."

"And I'm allowed to be. I got reasons, you know."

"Yeah… but you still gotta relax."

Kuwabara shrugged. "I guess so…"

"Mitarai's a pretty mature guy. You don't have to treat him like a kid. I mean, take care of him, definitely, but don't worry too much about it."

The redhead nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. "But… I don't know what to do with him- what d'you an' Koenma do, Urameshi?"

Yusuke had to fight back a blush and shook his head. "You have to think of that yourself. I can't tell you everything, you know."

"You were happy enough to help me _before_ we got together, you know."

"I know, just…" Yusuke sighed. "Fine. _After _you do something yourself."

"Deal."

...

The walk home from school was normal. Friendly conversation, occasionally holding hands for a few minutes… overall pleasant.

Once they entered Kuwabara's house and dropped off their books, the older boy pulled Mitarai onto the couch and kissed him. It was rather unexpected, but they _were _in a relationship, so Kuwabara _could _do what he wanted…

When the redhead broke the kiss, Mitarai forced a smile. He _did _like Kuwabara, but he had been surprised a little at the forwardness. It had reminded him of Sensui… he shook that thought from his head quickly. They were _not _the same.

Kuwabara must have noticed his discomfort, and frowned, concerned. "You okay, Mitarai?"

"Yeah… just thinking. You surprised me."

Kuwabara put a hand behind his head, embarrassed.

"Sorry about that. I… just kinda wanted to. Thought it was a good idea."

Mitarai laughed, feeling a little more relaxed. So Kuwabara hadn't wanted anything else other than that. That was a little reassuring.

...

They met up with Yusuke on the walk to school the next day as usual. The Spirit Detective left his apartment building, a stressed look on his face.

"Hey, Urameshi, what's up?" Kuwabara asked, a more serious expression replacing his smile.

Yusuke shook his head. "More Spirit World crap. Koenma's refusing to go back home, and now his dad's trying to force him to come back…" he let out an exasperated sigh. "It's just a real pain in the ass."

Kuwabara nodded. "I hear ya… Is it okay for him to be at your place alone?"

Yusuke shrugged. "Dunno. Mom could care less, and he can handle himself if somebody comes over."

"Why is he refusing to go home?" Mitarai asked, suddenly joining in the conversation. "Because of what happened in the cave?"

"Yeah, kinda. Y'know how his dad had ordered me killed? Well, first he was pissed off and didn't wanna go home 'cause of that, and now even though I'm not _totally _on the "kill-now" list, I think he's holding a grudge or something. Don't know what his dad wants with him, but we're having a good enough time living here together."

The rest of the walk was spent fairly quietly after that, each mulling over their own issues and opinions in current affairs.


	19. Chapter 19

Wow, it's been ages. I know. I might start (slowly) adding things to this again. Not really sure what to say here, except one- this skips ahead a bit from last chapter.. I hadn't originally planned putting this stuff here when it got written. I'll do my best to connect it up again. Two, the second half of this chapter I would rate M, so tread carefully. I'm not quite sure what point of view it is- I mean, it's third, but I feel like it switches between the two third limiteds and perhaps omniscient. Sorry if it confuses people, I tried to clean it up a little. I'll stop and let you read now.

* * *

"Mitarai? You okay?"

The blonde teen glanced over at Kuwabara and shrugged. His eyes were dull, and he looked tired.

"Just tired. I'm okay."

"Are you sure that's all it is? You've been acting funny lately."

Mitarai looked away. "I haven't been sleeping well."

"Nightmares again?"

"…Memories. They keep coming back, and I hate them."

Kuwabara sighed. "About Sensui?"

Mitarai nodded. "Memories from when I lived with him. I want to get over them… I'm with you, now, and I'm safe. I should be over it."

"Mitarai, he really hurt you, and messed with your head. You're not gonna get over it-" Kuwabara snapped his fingers. "-like that. It's gonna take a while."

Mitarai sighed, lying down on the bed. "I know… but I wish I could. I feel guilty…" he stopped before saying "-about thinking you're going to hurt me."

That wouldn't have gone over well. Thankfully, Kuwabara misinterpreted what he had said.

"It wasn't your fault. He just had problems. But now we're together, and I promise I'll take care of you."

Mitarai glanced at him, their gazes meeting. "Promise?"

The redhead grinned, making a small smile come to Mitarai's face as well. "Promise." He leaned over and kissed the younger teen on the cheek. "I love you, you know."

"I know. And I've made you incredibly sappy."

Light pink tinged Kuwabara's cheeks. "Yeah, but don't say that in front of Urameshi. I don't want him to think I'm not manly anymore."

Mitarai couldn't help but laugh, and Kuwabara was happy to see a shine come back into those blue eyes he loved so much.

...

He wasn't quite sure how it started. He remembered celebrating Kuwabara's birthday with the group, and then the next thing he knew, they were by themselves in their room.

Not that he minded, of course. He loved being alone with the older boy. But this situation was becoming mildly uncomfortable.

They were kissing, which in itself wasn't too bad. But it was started to get to a point where he knew what would come next, and only had bad memories to associate with it. He didn't want to continue, but at the same time, he felt like he had to- it was Kuwabara's birthday. He couldn't deny him this if he was enjoying it. And, judging from his actions, it seemed like he was.

He felt fingers slip under the waistband of his jeans, and his heart started to pound in nervousness. The hand went down further, and Mitarai pulled away from the kiss, inhaling sharply.

"Kazuma… s-stop…"

Kuwabara pulled his hand away as though he'd been burned. "Did I hurt you?"

Mitarai shook his head. "No, I just… I can't feel that way- I feel guilty…"

Kuwabara looked confused. "Guilty? Why?"

"When I was with Mr. Sensui… he made it feel good, when he… and now-" Mitarai looked away. "I- I can't."

"Sure you can." Kuwabara gave the younger teen a reassuring smile. "I'll show it to you the right way."

Inwardly, he was angry. He loved Mitarai and just wanted to show him that. He wanted to make him feel good. And Sensui had to get there first, scarring him and making him frightened of making love… of feeling pleasure… of being loved and being in love.

But no matter his feelings, he had to stay gentle for Mitarai. He had to show him it could be a loving experience, not a forced one.

He gently caressed the blonde's cheek as he kissed him, being careful not to get too aggressive.

Tentatively, he reached down again, and was relieved when Mitarai didn't pull away. Kuwabara could feel the blush on the other's face, and smiled into the kiss.

He started to slowly stroke, enjoying the soft noises he heard as a result. Becoming more confident, he increased the pressure, and noticed Mitarai's breath start to quicken. He felt Mitarai's hands tighten their grip on his shirt, and he realized he was trembling.

"It's okay, Mitarai," he murmured, breaking the kiss. "We can stop if you want."

The younger teen shook his head. "No, I'll be okay… I love you, and… I trust you."

Kuwabara's eyes widened, and he nodded. "Thank you. I love you too, and I promise I won't hurt you."

Mitarai smiled slightly. "That's great, but… you've still got your hand down my pants… can you please do something?" A dark blush spread across his face as he said that, and Kuwabara felt his cheeks grow warm as well.

"Uh, yeah, sorry about that…"

Mitarai laughed softly as Kuwabara withdrew his hand. "It's okay, it's kind of nice, but… I thought you wanted to do more."

The redhead was mildly surprised at how Mitarai was acting. The way he was talking made him seem like he was feeling more comfortable, but he hadn't been acting that way a minute ago…

"Um… we can do what you want… d'you like it?"

Mitarai hesitated for a moment, and in that second, he saw the nervousness come back. A hesitant nod, and he smiled.

"Cool. I'll remember that. But I wanna go a little further now, if that's okay with you."

Another nod, and Kuwabara backed up a little to take off his shirt. Mitarai did the same, and the redhead frowned a little at the scar on the younger teen's chest. He traced thoughtfully.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked softly. Mitarai shook his head.

"No. Do you still feel guilty?"

Kuwabara smiled apologetically. "Yeah. But if you're feeling better, that helps."

He leaned over and kissed the other boy again. When it ended, he kept their gazes locked. Deep blue eyes looked back at him, a tad confused.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I like your eyes," Kuwabara replied. "They're pretty."

Mitarai blushed slightly. "Thank you…"

Kuwabara smiled and pulled the other boy close to him, kissing him deeply. He heard a soft moan, and felt Mitarai push against him, a little hesitantly. He was surprised, but decided to try and draw out this part of him. He didn't respond to the push, and felt Mitarai do it again, a little more insistently. He chuckled as he broke the kiss.

"Impatient?"

Mitarai looked embarrassed.

"No, it's okay, I'm just teasing you. But you're getting used to it. Now…" His expression turned serious. "Are you ready for more?"

Mitarai nodded, and Kuwabara slowly started to pull down their jeans. When they were both in their boxers, he saw Mitarai start to look hesitant again.

"If you don't want to…"

"I want to, okay? It's your birthday, and… I wanted to do this sooner or later."

Kuwabara frowned. "Because it's my birthday… Mitarai…"

The younger boy cut him off with a kiss, pressing their bodies together.

"I'm allowed to be nervous. And this is the perfect excuse to finally get over it. It's been how long since we got together?" He smiled. "I want to, Kazuma."

Kuwabara blinked, mildly surprised at being called by his first name. Mitarai didn't do that very often, and he'd done it twice now.

"Okay…" He slipped out of his boxers and saw the other teen do the same. He took a deep breath.

"Tell me if it's too rough."

He kissed the other boy deeply, pushing them back until they were lying on the bed. He was careful not to put his whole weight on Mitarai, knowing he was much heavier.

Mitarai kept his eyes tightly shut, even after the kiss stopped, afraid that if he opened them, he'd see Sensui on top of him, not Kuwabara.

Apparently the other boy noticed, and caressed his cheek lovingly.

"It's okay, Mitarai. It's Kazuma, not Sensui. Look at me?"

The blue eyes opened slightly, and Mitarai gave a small smile.

"Can we please…?"

Kuwabara nodded. "Just let me get some stuff."

He felt a little embarrassed about already having the necessary materials in his bedroom, but he supposed he'd just been hopeful.

He sat back down on the bed next to Mitarai and put some of the lotion on his fingers.

"Did he ever do this?"

Mitarai nodded. "Just go slow, and I'll be okay."

Inwardly, he was scared. The only other person who'd done this with him, treated him like this, was Sensui. He didn't expect it to hurt too much, but he was afraid that even though he wanted to enjoy this fully with someone he loved, he would see Sensui, and it would be ruined. But he had to stay calm, at least outwardly, for Kuwabara.

Kuwabara smiled reassuringly and carefully started preparation. He supposed it was some consolation that Sensui hadn't completely disregarded the basics. He still felt unsure, though, about what he was doing. He was trying to be the more mature and experienced once, but he'd never had sex before, really.

…Well, not like _this_, anyway. Actually having it in a special relationship.

He was torn from his thoughts as he heard a soft moan. His smile grew, and he repeated the motion that caused it. He loved the expression on Mitarai's face- the way he looked in general. His back was arched slightly, eyes closed, slightly biting his lip…

"You can stop now," he murmured, a note of uncertainty in his voice. "I'm ready."

Kuwabara nodded and took his hand away. He stroked himself a little, then laid himself carefully on top of the other boy.

The nervous expression came back.

"Kazuma… please be gentle…"

"Don't worry, I will."

He kissed Mitarai as he went in, to distract him, and smiled into the kiss as he heard a soft sigh. He loved that Mitarai could trust him like this- was willing to overcome his fear to do this with him. True, he felt like this was rushing things, but… at the moment, he couldn't really bring himself to care.

Mitarai felt wonderful. It didn't hurt, and he wasn't scared. It wasn't Sensui. It was Kuwabara, and he loved him. He was a bit surprised at not being scared. When they had started, he didn't think he would get over it- the fright, and the guilt.

But Kuwabara… he was so gentle- he had led him through it, getting him used to things, to doing them with a person you loved. True, some parts had felt awkward, but now… nothing felt wrong anymore.

He felt a little bad about not lasting very long, but that feeling went away when Kuwabara finished a few seconds after him.

They lay side by side on the bed, Kuwabara looking at him with gentle eyes. Mitarai knew his own held love in them, and he kissed the older boy on the cheek.

"Thank you," he said softly. "It felt wonderful."

Kuwabara smiled. "I'm glad. I liked it, too." Mitarai blushed lightly, making him laugh.

"Should we… shower now?" Kuwabara shrugged.

"Probably. Together?"

Mitarai blushed deeper, but nodded, a smile on his face. "Sure. Happy birthday, Kazuma."

* * *

Well, I hope you guys liked that. It felt a bit awkward, writing that.. just one quick last note- I wrote that on the seventh, 'cause that's when I celebrate Kuwa's birthday. (Don't know if it's true, but that's when I do it.) So that's why it mentions the birthday. So, obviously, there was a rather large jump between last chapter and here. Like, most of the summer. I think I messed up timeline wise, what with school and everything. I hope you guys don't mind the inconsistencies too much. I'll try to cut down on that in the future.


	20. Chapter 20

Okay, so I guess this is the end. I've been working on this story for QUITE a long time, and it's kind of sad to see it go. But, I thank all of you people who read/reviewed, and who stuck with it, even when it took me ages to update. I find the ending of this quite corny, but it made me smile when I wrote it, so I kept it. I hope you guys like it, too, and I'll see you all when I update one of my other stories. :)

I don't own YYH. Review if you wish.

* * *

Kuwabara watched the ceiling, deep in thought. He felt a little guilty. He knew that he and Mitarai had both enjoyed what they had done, but… he felt like he was rushing things. Weren't you supposed to date people for a _while_ before you did that?

True, they _were _together, and he _had_ been consenting… but it felt like they had skipped ahead in their relationship from romantics to sex. Mitarai deserved better than that. Otherwise, he was being just like Sensui.

He quickly distracted himself from that by going over the events of that summer.

By the time his birthday had come around, Koenma had finally decided to make up with his father. He was feeling nervous about it, but Yusuke promised to do what he could to make it easier. He was due to go back to Spirit World in about a week.

His own relationship with Mitarai had progressed over the summer (quite a bit, if last night was any indication), and they were quite happy with each other. The birthday party had been fun, but he felt guilty.

Yusuke hadn't known how slowly his relationship was progressing, and had asked (thankfully quietly) if they had "gotten around to it." At the time, Kuwabara had shoved him away, saying it was none of his business, but he had initiated things later with that in mind… He hadn't ended up doing it because of that, but he still felt bad about it.

But… Kuwabara gazed at the other teen lying next to him, and smiled. They had enjoyed it. That's what mattered. They loved each other. He'd explain things to Yusuke, wouldn't mention it to Mitarai, and he'd start things slow again.

He smiled at fond memories of the summer. Going to the park and watching the creek, going to movies with the whole gang (Kurama was able to make Hiei come along), going out for walks… things had been nice.

But not quite romantic enough. They had their moments, and it was still fun, hanging out as friends, with friends, but Kuwabara had wanted to do something special.

..It felt a bit odd, to be honest. He hadn't thought of himself as much of a romantic before, but when he was with Mitarai… he supposed it wasn't a bad thing. He just would pay attention to himself so he wouldn't get too mushy. That would be embarrassing.

But- what could they do that would be fairly romantic, but not mushy? Something… sweet.

Kuwabara blinked. Sweet. Literally, something sweet. Ice cream? It _was_ the summer.

He smiled, and gently started to run his fingers through Mitarai's hair. That would be perfect. A fun, sweet way to spend an afternoon.

He mildly wondered if Yusuke ever did these kinds of things with Koenma. Probably. Koenma was the romantic type, and Yusuke could be, in the right mood.

...

Later that day, after lunch, Kuwabara brought up to Mitarai his idea of going to the park. The younger teen liked the idea, though Kuwabara didn't tell him about the ice cream. That was going to be a surprise.

The walk to the park was quiet. The two held hands, just enjoying being out and about together. When they got there, they hung out by the creek (Kuwabara had learned early on that playgrounds brought back bad memories for Mitarai, and so never brought him there), and talked.

They stayed there for much of the afternoon, then Kuwabara decided it was time. He told Mitarai to wait for him at the bench they were sitting on, and left.

Mitarai waited, closing his eyes. He wondered what Kuwabara had planned to do. He didn't have much time to think it over, though, because he soon heard footsteps behind him.

"You can open your eyes, now."

Mitarai did- and they widened when he saw what Kuwabara was holding.

"Kazuma… ice cream?" He took the offered cone from the older boy, still looking at him in wonder. "And strawberry?"

"You did say it was your favorite," Kuwabara said, sitting next to him. "Taste it, it's good."

Mitarai just sat, unmoving. "…I love you."

Kuwabara blushed lightly, smiling. "I know. I love you, too."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just eating. When they had finished, Kuwabara sighed inwardly. He had to tell Mitarai.

"Hey, Kiyoshi? We need to talk about something."

Mitarai nodded, smiling slightly at being called by his first name. (That was a very recent practice with them both.)

"About last night… I feel like we kind of rushed things, and I'm sorry about that. I was thinking about it this morning, and I don't want to feel like another Sensui to you."

Mitarai stayed quiet, thinking the words over.

"You shouldn't feel bad about last night, Kazuma. We both liked it, even though we did kind of rush it." He smiled almost apologetically. "But…" he grew serious, "you're not another Sensui. Don't think that. I know you love me, and I trust you. I told you that. I don't expect everything to be perfect- the nightmares are an example of that- but I know you won't intentionally hurt me."

There was silence between them for a few moments, Kuwabara realizing that this was an important moment for Mitarai.

"I know getting over what Mr. Sensui did to me will take time, but… I'm willing to work at it if you help me." He paused. "Will you?"

Kuwabara smiled, wrapping an arm around Mitarai's shoulders. "Of course I will." He then pulled the other boy close, and kissed him.

Finally, the water had cleared. Maybe it wasn't crystal yet, but there was enough light for hope, and that was all Mitarai needed.


End file.
